A Heart to Heart

On my phone notes app, I have a running list of ideas for blog posts. I got a bunch more ideas from the results of the Survey I recently did, and whenever I'm feeling stumped, I'll scroll through it and decide what to write about next. The idea for this post was most definitely not on the list--and it's not one that I really wanted to write, for reasons I'll explain here. Today I'm going to write about being gay.

Over the past few months I've noticed kind of a trend. I can see what people search for on my blog (it's anonymous, but I can just see the search terms through my analytics page), and pretty frequently people search gay/lesbian/lgbt or some variation on that. They might be surprised when nothing whatsoever comes up, other than a post on making a picnic for pride. That post could easily have been written by a straight girl who just likes rainbows. So far, on my blog, on Instagram, or anywhere else, I don't talk openly about being gay. And in my Survey results, several people asked if I would post some LGBT content. I read that and in my mind was like . . . nope! Not in my comfort zone. But it got me thinking that a lot of people coming to my blog might be gay and/or interested about the life Grace and I live from that perspective. We are so lucky to live in one of the most gay-friendly places on earth (West Hollywood, I love you forever), and I think it's even fascinating to people that we live our lives as a couple so openly. That said, I'm really not open at all through blogging or social media on this topic.

But I'm engaged to Grace, so it's not a secret. I just don't mention my identity in relation to that . . . I act like it's a foregone conclusion because of who I'm marrying (which, it basically is). Grace talks plenty about being gay, on TYT, on her Youtube channel, on Instagram, Twitter, everything. It's super normal for her and I think that's a big reason why people connect with her, because she lives so openly, can joke about it, and makes it so much fun. And it's not that I don't live openly; again, I'm totally public about the fact that I'm getting MARRIED to Grace. It doesn't get much gayer than that. But overall, I'm not really comfortable talking about "gay stuff." If someone I don't already know realizes that I'm gay, I'm instantly uncomfortable.

I honestly don't think some of my best friends know that I get uncomfortable in this way or would pick up on it. It's not as if I spend each day paranoid or that I'm ashamed of who I am, at all. But at the same time, I mostly would really just prefer to act like my identity as a gay person doesn't exist. If it comes up, I usually dismiss it with something like, "oh, that's the least interesting thing about me." I'm SO proud to be getting married to Grace. I've known I wanted to marry her since I was 21 years old. To me, she is perfect, and when we are out together or living our lives, any insecurities melt away. But it's when I'm alone, or here on my own corner of the internet, that I don't feel like I show much (or any) pride in my identity. I act like it doesn't exist.

And to be fair, I got some really sweet comments in my Survey about how refreshing it is to see a gay couple that does act like it's just normal, and "not a thing." That's exactly what I want--to be normal. And I think it's a huge part of why I've been pretty silent on this front on my blog. But I don't feel like that's right anymore, just to pretend I'm normal when obviously I'm different. To explain where I'm coming from, and where I'm hoping to move forward, I have to start wayyy back, at least 10 or 15 years ago.

I realized I was gay early in high school, when I was about 15 and had never been on a date or had a real kiss or anything like that. I went to an all girls school in the South. I have to preface what I'm about to write with this caveat: I have some of the BEST friends out of high school/growing up, but literally only about 4 of them that I've talked to in years. 

But. Aside from a few shining examples of sweet friendships, I had a really bad high school experience. I was so depressed, and secretive, and fell into being "weird" when that's not me at all. Anyone who knows me now, knows that living a sweet, simple, fairly conventional life is what I'm happy doing. Being honest, being a good friend, loving my (soon to be) spouse and my dogs, and being close with my family are some of my most important core values. But you wouldn't have thought that had you known me in high school.

In my small school, I confided in a couple of people, and soon the rumor mill started churning. I was outed and gossiped about. I remember hearing that one girl in particular, who I didn't even really know but who was very "cool" at my school, was telling everyone that I was gay. I was so anxious and upset about it, and mulling over what to do, I decided to send her a message saying that I was uncomfortable with everyone knowing and asking her to stop. She flat out said no. Everyone is gossiped about in high school, so I don't expect anyone to have sympathy for me on that front alone. But it's hard to describe how isolating and horrible it felt to know that everyone was making judgments about me, based on something I didn't fully understand about myself, in a medium-conservative area of the country where I didn't know a single openly gay person. It's not even that I think girls at my school were saying to each other that I was going to hell, or that they didn't want to ever talk to me, or anything like that. People weren't, for the most part, outright mean. And some were even nice to me and not judgmental. But it was the instantaneous "different" label slapped on me from then on that really hurt me. Never to chat with my friends over lunch about who I had a crush on, like everyone else. Never to take a "real" date to prom or school dances (I usually took my gay guy friend who was an awesome dancer, bless him). Never to just be ordinary, unremarkable . . . always slightly scandalous. Which is the antithesis of what I wanted to be. Because I was secretive of my identity (even though everyone knew, it's not like I could openly talk about it), I became secretive about everything. I would lie about things I had no reason to lie about. I started dressing differently, in a way that wasn't my style at all. I got bad grades. People thought I was doing drugs or something. I was glad if they did, because it meant the focus was on something other than the fact that I was a big, fat, lesbian.

I want to point out that I have an extremely loving, amazing family, who are currently helping me plan the wedding of my dreams to my future WIFE. Pinch me, I'm so happy. But, sadly, during high school I wasn't open with them at all, either. I had no one to talk to, and everything I did felt shady. I have such a pit in my stomach remembering that time in my life. It's just so not me. I felt like I matured slower than my peers during this time, too. I couldn't experience the normal high school rituals of dating, staying out past curfew, "typical" high school drama, getting invited to dances or other functions, or anything like that. I'm embarrassed because I felt like I acted so immature during high school because of all of this, but I also just sometimes, even now, sit down and cry for that girl who never got to be normal or experience growing up and coming of age in a way that could be happy and carefree.

A lot of this isn't anyone's fault. And looking back, my high school life was actually charmed compared to so many people's. I wasn't kicked out of my house. I wasn't assaulted or killed because of a hate crime. I didn't try to kill myself. Those are good, and (sadly) lucky, things. But without comparing my story to anyone else's, I was just plain unhappy. 

Things got a lot better when I went to college. I went through phases, grew up a lot, made incredible friends, and just became so much more of who I am. And then at the end of college I met Grace. Right around this time I decided to move to California for law school, and by coincidence, Grace was moving to California, too. We dated for the first few years I lived out here and I was happier than I'd ever been. California was my Promised Land. I don't hate North Carolina even a little bit. And I don't think I would be openly discriminated against there. But it was my desperation to be normal that drove me to California, where I could be around more people "like me."

Fast forward to the end of law school. I knew that Grace and I would probably be getting engaged within the next year or two. And we'd finally not be long-distance anymore (we were six hours apart for the first three years we dated). And right around that time, I had a major meltdown. I knew that I was meant to marry Grace. But I had this realization wash over me that I'd never known a married gay couple in my life. That my own wedding would be the first gay wedding I'd ever attend. That I didn't "know how to do it." That I had no role models. I remember in Spring of 2016, right before I graduated from Berkeley, visiting Grace in LA. We drove up to the Malibu mountains (coincidentally not at all far from where we're getting married in 6 months) to watch the sunrise. I'd written Grace a letter pouring my heart out on all of this . . . that I was so deeply sad that I had no mentors or role models in my life who "looked like me." That I felt unprepared to become a family. That I wanted it but didn't know how. And as Grace read the letter I cried my eyes out on that mountaintop. Grace listened, and heard me, and dried my eyes. I sobbed, "you know that quote, 'if you can't see it, you can't be it'?" It's a quote about needing role models and the importance of visibility and representation. It resonated so strongly with me. But Grace just said, "if we can't see it, then WE have to be it. For the next person."

Just to back up, I'm not trying to act like we're pioneers or something, or that we're the first gay people to get married. We're SO lucky that others have pioneered before us. But what I'm getting at, and what was troubling me, is just visibility within our own circles. As much as I might know that plenty of gay couples get married and start families all the time in theory, I personally don't know any (at least very well). I couldn't really think of a single family in my life that looked like what my future family might look like. So it's not about us going where no one had gone before, but just about meaningful mentorship and role models within our own personal lives. I'm not sure if others can relate, but that was just a big sticking point for me.

Well, you know how the rest of the story goes. Grace and I did get engaged, and even though yes, our wedding will be the first gay wedding either of us has been to, we're feeling good about making it a celebration with nods to tradition but that's also uniquely "us." I still sometimes get teary-eyed about the years I lost being sad, feeling different, and not loving myself well. And I think after being outed, I've for years wanted to kind of reclaim my privacy. Of course, I post pictures with Grace all the time, so I'm not being secretive. But I am generally private about my identity or even about calling myself gay, especially online. I don't know if I'll start talking about myself differently after writing all of this out, or if anything will change other than this post being out there on the internet. I don't think it really needs to. It's also not as if the pain I felt for years is instantly healed. I am still working through forgiveness and letting go of the past. I don't think I could ever bring myself to attend a high school reunion, but I'm not sure why I would ever want to anyway. Part of healing is realizing that while some parts of my life were dark, there is so much LIGHT in my life now--why turn back toward the shadows? But I did think it was worth explaining all of this, for anyone who might be wondering about my story or why, until now, a search of the word "gay" on my blog would have returned no results. I'm proud of who I am and more than anything, of the little family I'm starting with Grace. I cry tears of happiness all the time just driving home from work or having a good conversation with Grace over dinner. My cup runneth over. But I know for almost every gay person out there, there's always the "back story." For anyone who's still in the thick of it (I'm definitely not immune to feeling different, by the way), hang in there. If you want to talk, you can always Contact me through my blog inquiries page.

xoxo

February Goals + January Recap

I'm a few days late, but I wanted to jump on here and share my February goals! I always love February. Valentine's Day has been one of my favorite holidays since I was a little kid, and to me February is the first hint of Spring (my favorite season). First, here's how I did on my January goals:

• Book our wedding caterer -- done! And I'm SO excited for our wedding food
• Book our wedding band -- yes! I think they will be really fun
• Send out our save-the-date cards -- yep!
• Register for gifts -- yes
• Secure group rates for our wedding at hotels near the venue -- need to send in one more form, but yes
• Get organized with finances and start tracking spending again -- not really. This took the back burner
• Brainstorm for a getaway to celebrate the first quarter of 2018 in about three months -- brainstormed and booked :)
• Blog 2x a week on Have Dog, Will Drive -- Not consistently
• Finish unpacking our house, buy an entryway chair, and hang up some more frames -- Nope. This always gets pushed to the bottom of the to-do list, sadly!
• Try running with Bean (he has that puppy energy and I could use the exercise, too!) -- no, but I did some home workouts with the dogs

And my goals for February:

• Book our florist
• Plan and book my bachelorette weekend
• Decide on having a hometown bridal shower in Raleigh 
• Book shuttle/wedding transportation
• Paint my nails or get a mani-pedi if I have time
• Make an appointment with a dog behaviorologist to get on a good path with Willie and Bean (as rescues often do, both of them have a few quirks that we want to assess with a professional)

Wishing you a sweet, short month of love!

Weekend in the Life

Today’s post might be boring to some, but I personally love reading these types of posts on other people’s blogs, so why not? I got the suggestion to do a day in the life blog post from my reader survey, and I quickly decided to do a weekend in the life post instead. During the week, my day in the life would look like, “woke up at 5am. Went to go be a lawyer for a long time. Came home, cuddled dogs, ate and slept.” Haha! Not so interesting. But thankfully last weekend was pretty much work-free, and I got to document the whole thing to share here.

For those who haven’t seen day in the life posts on others’ blogs, it’s basically a style of blog post where you go through each little step in your day. It’s less of a recap and more of a step-by-step: what did you do when you woke up? What did you eat throughout the day? Etc. I personally love reading them because I love honing my routines and getting ideas from other people on how they do their day-to-day lives. I hope you enjoy reading!

One thing I wanted to be sure to include here was all of the steps that go into taking care of the dogs (depending on your perspective, it might seem like a lot or not a lot). The reason for including these tiny details is to give a snapshot of life to someone who might be wondering what kind of time commitment it is to have a dog (or two). I get this question a lot, so I hope this is helpful.

One last caveat before the recap: we normally eat a little bit healthier, and we also have friends I promise. The weekend before this for us was just super social (hosting Tina’s surprise party and getting a table at the Abbey for our friend Amir the next day) so we wanted some r&r at home. But hey, this is just a snapshot of one weekend. At this stage of life, every weekend is kind of different, so maybe I’ll do another one of these later.

Friday: I came home from work around 5:30 and started taking care of the dogs’ evening routine. Grace was out getting a tattoo (she has quite the collection now), so she wasn’t there when I got home. I walked Willie, fed Willie dinner, took Bean outside to go to the bathroom, and played with him a little bit in our yard. Then I brought him inside where he could reunite with his greatest love, his antler.

Then Grace got home and I told her about this “weekend in the life” idea and made her take the selfie at the top of this post with me. She is really sweet about my blogging (or “blerging” as she calls it, haha).

It was about 7:30 or 8pm at this point so we decided to make it a lazy night and order takeout and watch a movie! We ordered from The Counter, which is a great comfort food/burgers/fries/shakes type place with lots of vegan and vegetarian options.

We watched Love Song, which a friend had recommended. It was good!

We ended up pretty much falling asleep on the couch though (which had nothing to do with the movie). Bean snuggled up with us and got pretty sleepy too.

Saturday: The next morning we woke up and Willie was being SO snuggly!

Willie doesn’t usually sleep in our bed from the beginning of the night, but we often wake up to find he has jumped in and made himself comfy at some point while we were sleeping. This was a motivating factor in getting a king size bed for our new house. He’s the sweetest when he just wants cuddle time with his mamas.

I got up first to let Bean outside to go to the bathroom. He did his business in the yard, and then I let him roam around and hang out with me while I washed my face and brushed my teeth and got ready for the day.

I snapped this pic when I first walked outside from our bedroom into the living room. I think I'll forever have heart eyes for the light in our house in the mornings.

I gave Bean his breakfast and then Grace and I went on a stroll with Willie.

Willie gets SO excited during his first walk of the day and it's adorable! Makes it feel like we have two puppies in the house.

I love our neighborhood so much :) I think a lot of people envision LA to be super urban, and it's definitely more densely packed than where I grew up in North Carolina. But that said I'm always trying to explain to people how "neighborhoody" it is, which I love. We live super centrally, and still I love that our neighborhood is like this. We're lucky.

When Willie gets back from his morning walk he knows it’s time for his breakfast and he gets super excited. He’s the most food-motivated dog we’ve had out of the three.

Then it was time to go to puppy playtime! Puppy playtime is held at our vet every Saturday morning from 9-11am. It’s one of my favorite times of the whole week! Any patient of the vet that’s under 1 year old and up to date on shots can come for a big play group. It’s so nice because you get to socialize your puppy but know that there is professional supervision and everyone is up to date on shots. This week, it was some of the puppies’ birthday, so there were special treats for all the dogs.

Just one of the reasons we LOVE our vet!  

Bean did great at puppy playtime. He loves to run around to his favorite dog friends, and also all of the humans. Side note, our friend Lydia is pictured (to the far right in scrubs facing away from the camera) in the photo below—she has the best blog!! You can find it here. Lydia is one of my first blog friends :) She’s awesome. She also works at our vet and is super sweet to our pups.

Bean loves getting up on the platforms so he can see what's going on. He's usually the smallest one at puppy playtime, but he's fearless.

Also at this puppy playtime, Bean met and befriended a dog named Casper! (The white dog in the pic below). That warmed our hearts.

At one point I had 4 puppies in my lap at the same time. Puppy playtime is basically free therapy, haha!

After puppy playtime we headed out to get breakfast. We’ve started a tradition in the past few weeks where we go out to eat at a sidewalk café after puppy playtime so that Bean can get used to being polite and sitting at a restaurant with us. He’s doing pretty well, but of course he still has puppy energy that makes it hard for him to sit still!

On this day, we decided to go to Joey’s Cafe on Santa Monica. It was pretty good. Grace got an acai bowl and I got avocado toast.

Then we went to Tailwaggers to pick up some essentials. We were out of poop bags (#dogmomprobs) and also wanted to get some more Himalayan chews for Willie and Bean—they LOVE them. It seems like we end up going to Tailwaggers every single Saturday these days for something or other. Such is life.

We love Tailwaggers! I love that it's a local business and it's also where we first met Bean, at an adoption event they were holding.

I snapped this cute picture of Grace and Beanie outside the store as we were about to put Bean into the car. He's too small to hop in by himself so we have to pick him up!

Pretty much the rest of the afternoon we spent working on wedding stuff. We had a phone consultation with a potential florist and I spent some time working on addressing our save the dates! The dogs mostly just rested during this time.

Pictures of some floral inspiration I've been collecting.

When we started getting hungry we decided to order out again. I can’t remember the last time we got delivery two nights in a row, but it is what it is! We’re kind of in that season of life where I’ve made peace with not cooking as much, just because we have so much else going on. We got pizza from Big Mama’s & Papa’s.

We kind of just watched random bad TV at this point—caught up on the Bachelor, etc. Our minds needed a break!

Sunday: The next morning we woke up bright and early for our Sunday morning tradition: Canter’s Deli for breakfast followed by church in Malibu. We go to the cutest little Episcopal chapel by the sea; we love it so much and it has become really important to us over the past year or so. Because many people have asked, our officiant at our wedding will be one of the pastors there who we’ve gotten to know well.

Whenever we get to Canters, I immediately order a plate of pickles that I eat while we wait for our food. Canters makes their own pickles and they're SO good.  If you're in LA and a pickle fan, you need to try these.

And yes, I order from the normal menu (including fries) at 7:30am for breakfast. I'm weird but I love it.

I love our drive to and from Malibu every week. It's the sweetest.

We stayed after the service this time because we had a general meeting where Grace got elected to the vestry!

We then drove home and just rested around the house for a while. The best way to spend a Sunday.

I love being homebodies with Grace.

In this picture, I think Willie is thinking, "Lamby, we look good together, don't we"

I got a little bit of work done with Bean as my work buddy.

I posted one of the pictures below on stories too, but I just thought it was so funny. Bean LOVES pillows. He has recently started figuring out how to flip them on top of his back like a little turtle shell. It’s so cute and funny and weird, I love it.

Grace and Bean got some cuddle time too.

Then Grace wanted to go over some songs for her show in London coming up and brainstorm about her set list. We did that for a little bit. I love listening to Grace play music more than almost anything. When we first started hanging with the same group of friends in college, we would always convince her to play songs when it got late at parties. I pretty much fell in love right then.

Afterward I went to the grocery (we live two blocks from Whole Foods so I have been going there lately) and got basics for the week and some ingredients for dinner that night. When I got home I tended to the dogs (Willie got his second walk of the day, and they both got dinner) and started working on our dinner. After two days of takeout, I wanted something relatively healthy. I roasted some Brussels sprouts and made us open-faced egg sandwiches on whole wheat English muffins.

Notice the cornichons in the picture? I always eat those as a snack while I cook! If you can't tell, I love picked things.

While the sprouts were roasting I decided to multitask by jumping in the shower. Willie stayed right beside the shower the whole time! Both of our dogs love to be clingy when I’m taking a shower. They will stick right by me and poke their heads around the shower curtain every now and then. I think they’re checking on me because they hate baths—like, “you okay mom? I know it's scary in there”

Then Grace and I ate and went to bed pretty early to get ready for the week! I felt really rested from this weekend, especially in comparison to other weekends recently where I either worked the whole time or we were kind of overbooked socially. We might have been a little overly homebodies this particular weekend, but it was so nice to hit the reset button and relax. 

I hope you enjoyed this very long weekend in the life recap! Thanks to the suggestion of whoever anonymously thought of that idea :)

How to Throw a Surprise Party

As you might have seen on my Instagram stories, this past weekend Grace and I threw a surprise party for our best friend Tina! This was my first time throwing a surprise party for anyone, so I'm by no means an expert. But, I was really happy with how it went, so I thought I'd share some tips from what I learned! A really sweet suggestion I got from my Survey a few weeks ago was to share some posts on hospitality, decorating, etc. That inspired me to write this post!

That's Tina in the middle. Grace has known her since college, and I met Tina when I moved to California a few years ago. Tina is also our neighbor in West Hollywood! We go over to her apartment at least once a week (to watch the Bachelor), and sometimes twice a week if Drag Race is on. She's one of the most loyal people around and we just love her! A couple of months ago we were talking about Tina's birthday (Grace and I get REALLY excited about friends' birthdays and often discuss them months in advance, haha), and for some reason, the idea to throw a surprise party popped into our head. We've always wanted to throw one because they're so fun. But it's really hard to keep the person from suspecting something. We realized Tina would probably not expect us to throw her a surprise party, so it was the perfect cover.

With that in mind, my first tip for throwing a surprise party is to pick a time, occasion, or person that is low key/unassuming. I feel like surprise parties can be stressful when they're on the person's actual birthday, and you have to convince them that no one could hang out or that everyone forgot their birthday. To me, that kind of ruins the fun and celebration. So in this case, we actually had Tina's surprise party a week before her actual birthday to throw her off. I also think a surprise party could be really fun for a non-birthday occasion, like a bridal shower, congrats party, going away party, etc. I think it's a lot less suspicious for those types of occasions.

My next tip is to keep it simple. Our plan was to take Tina out to dinner at La Boheme in West Hollywood (SO good!), and at dinner casually mention that I had baked a dessert back at our house (we all live really close together so it makes sense to just stop by our house on the way home to drop her off). Key to all of this was to pick Tina up, so at that point we had her captive until we brought her to the party, haha! Again, it made sense because we told Tina we wanted to drive so she could kick back and have some drinks at dinner. We tried to keep everything within the realm of what seemed logical, so we didn't tip her off that something was going on.

Also in terms of keeping it simple, we went really basic with the decorations, food, and drinks. Planning a surprise party has enough complicated elements as it is! Because we were taking Tina out to dinner ahead of time, we just had a few store-bought snacks at our house for the party. We also got a cake decorated with a RuPaul phrase (Tina, Grace and I watch a lot of RuPaul together).

For decorations, we went to Vine-American Party Store in our neighborhood (I've used them a bunch of times for balloons and they're great). We picked out some things we thought were festive and/or went along with Tina's interests. For instance, she loves Disney and she's Italian, so we got some themed decorations along those lines. Pretty kitschy but fun :)

Speaking of keeping it simple--we actually recycled this birthday banner! Grace ordered it on Etsy last year for my birthday party. I have a drawer in our bar area with all kinds of party decor (I have birthday banners, Happy New Year banners, rainbow Pride banners . . .) it makes things really easy when it comes time to throw a party. And I'm always adding to my collection!

In case you can't tell, these are Minnie Mouse party decorations.

I loved how pretty the Chrome balloons turned out.

Last "keeping it simple" tip: don't feel like you have to buy every type of alcohol under the sun (if you're choosing to serve alcohol at the surprise party). In my experience, if people are really particular about what type of alcohol they'll drink, they will just bring their own! For this party, serving about 15-20 people, we bought: a case of beer (24), a bottle of vodka (could also use gin), a bottle of bourbon, a couple bottles of champagne, some flavored La Croix, grapefruit juice, and tonic. That amount was plenty, and everyone seemed happy!

Another thing that really helped us have a successful surprise was recruiting friends to be the "point people" for coordinating the surprise. We asked a few friends to come over about 30 minutes earlier than everyone else, and we left a key for them and told everyone else to text them with questions. That way, while we were at dinner with Tina I wasn't stressing about whether people were arriving okay. I knew our point people had it covered!

Seen in the picture above, before we left we set out a bunch of party hats, noisemakers, fun glasses, etc. I think it makes the surprise feel extra festive.

For the actual surprise, we decided to leave it up to our friends what they thought would be easiest and most effective. They ended up hiding off to the side in a nook off of our dining room, and then when we walked through the door, they jumped out and surprised Tina. I texted the point people when we were parking the car so they could get ready. When we walked in, they actually waited a beat before jumping out, and then they all broke into song for "Happy Birthday" (much to the embarrassment of Tina). It was SUCH a fun moment to fully pull off the surprise, plus to see a bunch of our friends all at once! 

For the rest of the night we mostly just hung out, caught up with friends, and celebrated Tina! Tina is very beloved, so it was awesome to see so many people from various facets of our friend group all come together. 

And, it wouldn't be a Have Dog, Will Drive post without a mention of our fur babies, who were very much present at the party:

My brother got to meet Bean for the first time!

This picture is so funny to me. Parties seem to make Willie tired, and he usually retreats to his bed partway through. This time, he hopped right up into our bed, and of course some of our dog-loving friends were not far behind. 

I hope you enjoyed reading about our first surprise party! This was also our first party in our house (we've had a dinner party but not a bigger group like this), and it makes me so excited for lots more.

HDWD Survey Results

Thank you SO much to everyone who took my Have Dog, Will Drive survey! My dream when starting this blog was that I would be able to engage with people and not just write into a vacuum. It was so fun to see where people are reading from, their favorite types of posts, and ideas/requests for new content! That was the most eye-opening part--I got responses of ideas for posts that were really inspiring and that I wouldn't have thought to write myself.

Just a pic of a small little bean in his big brother's bed

In case it's interesting to anyone else, I thought I would share some of the survey results here! They were overall a really big mix. For example, there wasn't one primary place people are reading from, which I thought was so cool. I got a decent amount of answers from the South and California, but there were also a ton from Europe, the UK, Canada, New England, and the Midwest. 

In terms of the types of post people most enjoy seeing, these were consistently the three categories people picked most:

• Getaways
• How-To's
• Personal

I would say that's pretty representative of my blog content, so that's good! But at the same time, I don't want to stay stagnant here, which is why I LOVED getting so many ideas for new posts. Here's a few that people suggested:

• More dog/road trip content (stick to my roots, got it)
• More thoughts and feelings on life (not sure if you REALLY want that, but I'll give it a shot, haha!)
• A day in the life post (love this idea, will do soon)
• More cooking/recipe posts (though some people also said they don't like that type of post, so I'll try to strike a balance)
• LGBT content
• Wedding planning (new post coming soon)
• Decorating and hosting tips
• What it takes to get a blog started (I'm still learning, but would gladly share what's worked for me!)
• Quick getaways in Southern California
• Organization posts
• Long distance relationships (both family and romantic--I think this is a great idea because I have TONS of experience on both fronts)
• Life in LA
• How faith life intersects with the things I write about
• General lifestyle posts
• Pros and cons of traveling with a dog and how to decide whether or not to bring them
• Tips and budgeting for trips
• A travel post from Willie and/or Bean's perspective (such a cute idea!)

I think these are all such great suggestions and I'm feeling super motivated to get to work on them! My ultimate goal with this blog is to make it helpful and interesting for people, so even though the survey is done, you can ALWAYS contact me with specific questions about road trips or life. You can also feel free to comment with requests for new posts! One of the most challenging parts about blogging is coming up with content that people actually want to read, so I could use all the help I can get and really appreciate getting insight from people. Again, thank you for taking the survey if you did, and you can expect posts in many of the above categories over the next few months!

Some January roses I spotted on a walk in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago :)

Austin Recap + Thoughts on Traveling *Without* Dogs

Last weekend, Grace and I went to Texas for the first time! We were there for a wedding, which was held about 30 minutes outside of Austin. We got to see a little bit of Austin itself, too, which is a city I'd always wanted to visit. We weren't there for very long, so we'll definitely need to go back--but we got to see some highlights, plus spend time with my whole family (that's my little brother in the pic above!).

As we were getting on the plane in LA, it struck me how weird it felt to be getting on a plane with Grace! We travel together so much, but we so rarely fly (hence the title of this blog). In fact, the last time we took a plane ride together was coming back from a trip to Belgium, where Grace is from, in spring 2016. So it had been a minute.

Side note: Grace is SO funny on an airplane and going through security. Those who know her, know that Grace has truly never met a stranger. She will talk up anyone and everyone she meets. That includes the TSA officers doing a full pat down (yes, she had to get extra screening--of course). And she loves to put on her headphones and dance in public on purpose to embarrass me. I make fun of her, but traveling with her is the best.

As we were going through the unfamiliar experience of flying together, I started thinking about the pros and cons of taking trips without the dogs. It's much more of a hassle (because we have to figure out what to do with them when we're gone), but there's something to be said for it in a different kind of way. So I'm going to recap our trip and then reflect below on how I felt about the experience!

The photo above is from my office the day before leaving for our trip. The weather was pretty gross in LA, so I was excited for a change of scenery! Little did I know that it was actually FREEZING (as in, 32 degrees, not an exaggeration) in Austin when we got there. No one was prepared! I guess we could have checked the weather forecast, but we just did not expect Texas to be so cold. Grace and I got in late Friday night, and the rest of my family was already there (but mostly asleep by the time we got to our hotel). We stayed at the downtown Courtyard Marriott, which was the hotel recommended by the bride & groom and it was nice!  My one complaint was that our room had no floor length mirror, which was a problem for getting dressed up and ready for a wedding. But beyond that we were comfy there :)

On Saturday we woke up and got kind of a late start because of the time change (Austin is 2 hours ahead of LA, so 10am felt like 8am to us). My parents were already up, and my mom texted me around mid morning, saying, "Is Sudie in Austin? I think I just saw her walk across the hotel lobby!" Sudie was one of my college roommates and best friends, and she's going to be in Grace's and my wedding later this year! So it was so fun to run into her. I actually knew she was going to be in Austin the same weekend as me, but we both had a lot going on and hadn't figured out a way to meet up yet. So it was perfect that my mom literally ran into her. I texted Sudie and we ended up meeting up and spending the morning together with my family! It was such a fun surprise.

Before we had to start getting ready for the wedding, we walked all around SoCo, which is an area of Austin that my parents had heard was cool. It really was! We loved strolling, window shopping, and eating. Some of our favorite stores were Lucy in Disguise with Diamonds (an AMAZING thrift/costume shop) and Allen's Boots (where the picture below is from).

In another life, if I were Texan, those pink boots in the middle would be mine.

After strolling, we stopped in at Torchy's Tacos to eat. We'd heard it was one of the best places to get Tex Mex tacos in Austin, and it was SO unbelievably good!! I'm still dreaming about their fried avocado tacos. Omg.

Because the venue was about 30 minutes away from Downtown Austin, we had to head back to the hotel after lunch to get ready and hop on the shuttle! I wish I'd taken more pictures of the venue, because it was BEAUTIFUL. Now that Grace and I are engaged, I tend to notice things at weddings with a much closer eye, and this venue is totally somewhere I would want to get married if it existed in LA. It's called the Addison Grove, and it's a barn and surrounding grounds with the prettiest grove of trees for the ceremony. There were also a bunch of longhorns right to the side of where the cocktail hour was held, including a baby that was SO cute!

The wedding had a ton of really sweet touches. For one, when we arrived at the venue, servers passed out mugs of the most delicious hot chocolate! I thought that was the cutest touch for a wedding a cold day. We are planning on doing something similar at our wedding, except with refreshing lemonades and agua frescas because it will be summer.

The reception in the barn was magical. The band was really good and did a great job covering a ton of different genres. We are also getting a band for our wedding; I think they bring a really fun element to the reception. The couple actually had the same first dance song as we're going to have! I'll keep it a surprise for now, but it was cool hearing how a band would cover it, and we thought it was such a fun coincidence that they had the same first dance song as us (since it's an old song and I haven't heard anyone have it for their first dance song before).

My sister and me at the reception

I don't have any more pictures from the weekend (I was putting a lot of things on my Instagram story and forgot to save them!), but after the wedding we went out to a place called Container Bar in Austin. The bride & groom wanted to keep the party going so we all headed there! It was a bar made entirely out of shipping containers. It was pretty cool and the street it was on, called Rainey street, was VERY hopping on a Saturday night.

The next morning we met up with one of Grace's friends who lives in Austin, and we went to breakfast at Texas French Bread. I had the breakfast tostadas, and it might have been my favorite thing I ate all weekend! After that it was pretty much time to head to the airport and get back to our pups waiting in LA.

Speaking of which, now to my thoughts on traveling without them--overall I think it's good and important to sometimes travel without our dogs. What I'm about to say might be an unpopular opinion, and I hope it doesn't sound cruel; that's not my intention at all. But as I get ready to marry Grace, we have to take a step back and get perspective every now and then. I LOVE our dogs. But if everything goes as it should, our marriage will far outlive them. So, I think it's important sometimes to connect just us. This trip also helped me see how important that will be for our honeymoon. I had been toying with the idea of planning a honeymoon we could bring the dogs on, but after traveling by ourselves for a weekend, I really think it's important that we take our honeymoon without them, to just focus on each other. 

All of that being said, road trips with the whole family will always by my favorite. And, when we leave, it's SUPER important to us that we can leave our dogs in peace and not worry. We had our good friend Sara stay with Willie at our house, and he had a blast. We boarded Bean to make things easy since he's still a puppy. And they both seemed to have a great weekend! Don't worry, this isn't about to be a blog about how Grace and I go on all these trips and just leave the dogs. We will still mostly travel with them. But it's nice to know that we can go away for a weekend and they will be okay--and we'll be better for it.

On a different note--I know I had a bit of a hiatus from blogging over the past two weeks or so, and I hate that. I have a TON of ideas and hope to keep the posts coming more consistently. Thanks so much for reading!

January 2018 Goals + December 2017 Recap

I am so excited and fired up about my 2018 + January-specific goals!! My goals list hasn't been this full in a LONG time. I know that January 1 is just a made up day on the calendar (or the significance is made up, I should say), and in general I try not to buy into the "new year, new me" mentality. I also am so not into the "ugh, 2016/2017/whatever was the worst, I can't wait for 2018" griping that I see so much on social media. But all of that said, this year's start has coincided with me finally having time to rest and reflect on the direction I want to go in, and so I'm finding myself really invigorated by all of the white space the year's calendar holds. 

I didn't post my January goals on the first of the month (instead I wrote this post about how we spent our New Year's Eve), because I wanted to take my time on honing my focus for the year and for January specifically. I think I really dug deep and I'm proud and excited about what I'm aiming for this year and this month. One thing that's crystalized for me in the past few weeks is the value in partially-completed goals. I think in the last year I got stuck when I set a goal for a particular month and then realized I wasn't going to reach it. I would just scrap it entirely, because I couldn't fully cross it off my list, so what's the point? I've now realized how much this mentality was holding me back. For example, one of my December goals was to finish unpacking the whole house and have everything organized and perfect. By about December 18th, I had made zero progress on this goal. I was ready to give up and just push it off til later--but then I realized I COULD still make meaningful progress. I spent 1 hour doing a "power unpack" and it made such a huge difference! No, I didn't 100% complete my goal (I still have a couple of suitcases to unpack), but I did make real progress that I'm reaping the benefits of.

One of my overall goals for 2018 is to create a life-giving home. To me that means having a clean, organized, beautiful, and useful space, and it also means filling it with light and life and good times with the people we love. I want to be better hosts and to be a refuge for people in our lives who might need to vent, have a good meal, or a place to stay. I love our little house so much, and I'm really excited to share more about it on HDWD. It's not totally ready for a full house tour yet, so in this post I'm sharing some detail shots I took around the house last weekend! More to come soon.

To recap my December goals progress, here's that list:

• Blog five times! Yes!
• Finish unpacking from our move (yes, we moved in October. And yet this is still one of the heaviest things on my to-do list, and one of the things I will be proudest about if I actually get it done!) Not totally, but I made progress!
• Successfully split the Christmas holiday between Grace's family and mine. This will be our fifth Christmas we've been dating (or engaged), but our FIRST Christmas we'll see each other on the actual holiday! We've always spent it separately with our respective families in years past. This year, both of our families will be in North Carolina, and we'll be spending time with both. I can't wait to go to my hometown church's Christmas Eve service together, go to our family friends' Christmas Eve dinner, hang out under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning, and start to make our own little family's traditions. Yes, and it was really sweet! Too short.
• Take our photos for our save the date invitations Yes, our good friend Molly took them for us and I'm so happy with how they turned out!
• Design and order a photobook of our Alaska trip Not yet.

And my January goals:

• Book our wedding caterer
• Book our wedding band
• Send out our save-the-date cards
• Register for gifts
• Secure group rates for our wedding at hotels near the venue
• Get organized with finances and start tracking spending again
• Brainstorm for a getaway to celebrate the first quarter of 2018 in about three months
• Blog 2x a week on Have Dog, Will Drive
• Finish unpacking our house, buy an entryway chair, and hang up some more frames
• Try running with Bean (he has that puppy energy and I could use the exercise, too!)

This is a big goals list, but I've actually already made progress on the majority of these! I am really trying to use this motivation and energy I've had lately to knock out some goals. If you set goals for January or 2018, I'd love to read them! 

Hope you enjoyed these pics of our house! I can't wait to share more.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year from Have Dog, Will Drive! I hope you had a safe and meaningful NYE last night (if you're reading this on January 1) and a great start to 2018!

Yesterday, Grace and I went to our favorite beach in Malibu to watch the last sunset of 2017, and then we went over to some friends' house to ring in the new year. It was also our first time taking Bean to the beach! He LOVED it and it was so much fun seeing the beach and ocean through a puppy's eyes.

I want to share a few photos from last night and also some thoughts on 2018 goals generally.  I'll probably write a January goals post in the next few days, but for now I'm still working through them.

Bean's first time touching the ocean! So funny

Rather than strict goals for 2018, I'm setting guideposts and then making those overarching ideas happen through monthly, daily, and weekly goals. Some of my "guideposts" for 2018 are:

• Dream and pray about big, "impossible" ideas
• Celebrate each quarter (4 times a year do something really special to celebrate what I've accomplished in that period)
• Marry Grace in a way that points to what matters most
• Take better care of myself physically, using small steps to start
• Get back to careful budgeting and financial stewardship (I used to be really good about this but have gotten lazy!)

And, a big area of goal setting and achieving for me is in growing this blog! Having only been blogging for 8 months, I'm really inspired and encouraged by the process and I've learned so much. I also have been LOVING reading the responses I've gotten to my Reader Survey! (You can still take it if you haven't already). Thank you so much if you've already taken it. My next post is going to share some of the results I've gotten, which are really interesting and insightful. I can't wait to make 2018 HDWD's best year yet :)

I'd love to hear about your 2018 goals, guideposts, or dreams! And now, back to pictures of doggos and sunsets:

Wishing you a sweet new year with the people and animals you love!

Have Dog, Will Drive: Year In Review + READER SURVEY!

2017 has looked so different than I expected. When 2016 turned into 2017, I was just dating Grace, we had a dog named Casper, I lived in a little studio apartment in West Hollywood, I worked for the federal government, and I was not anywhere close to writing a blog about my life. 

Now, as I'm reflecting on all the year held, I'm realizing just how much changed. I am engaged to Grace, with only 7 months until our wedding. We held Casper as he passed away in our arms this summer, and we have since adopted two more dogs, Willie and Bean. I moved out of my apartment and Grace and I started living together for the first time--we live in the cutest little two bedroom house (planning to share lots more about our house in 2018), and I moved into private practice with my job. And, I started Have Dog, Will Drive in May! A year ago, I honestly was not thinking about starting a blog AT ALL. The idea kind of popped into my head this Spring and within a week, I'd bought the domain name and was up and running. Grace gave me some really good advice, and I shared it with the world a little while later. It has become my favorite hobby and something I get so much joy out of. I've received messages and comments from people I never would have met otherwise, and I LOVE connecting with people who are interested in the type of stuff I write about. It's just so cool :) By the way, if you've never introduced yourself, feel free to Contact me! I seriously would love it.

Although I firmly believe that there is nothing magical about January 1, at the same time I love commemorating occasions and reflecting on what's good, and what can change. So in that spirit, I wanted to share some stats about Have Dog, Will Drive in its first year and favorite memories. Finally, at the end of this post, you'll find a link to a survey about what you'd like to see more of on Have Dog, Will Drive. I'd be so grateful if you'd fill it out! 

2017 was a really sweet first year for Have Dog, Will Drive

It reached over 11,000 page views

People from every state in the US were reading

Readers tuned in from every continent except Antarctica

• Some of the countries with the biggest readership outside of the US were: 
  • Canada
  • United Kingdom
  • Ireland
  • Germany
  • Australia
  • New Zealand
  • Finland

Most Popular Post: The Life of Casper (runners up: Planning the Drive from California to Alaska and Back; Meet Grace)

Longest-Running Series (Category): It's a tie between Getaways and LA to Alaska Road Trip

Most Fun Post for Me to Write and Document: Probably The Making of Red Rover but also, it's hard to beat Engaged in Alaska!

This has been the best journey and I can't wait for all that is to come! It is so encouraging and exciting to think about how much has changed from a year ago--and how much I could be surprised by the time the next year rolls around.

Lastly, I would so appreciate if you would fill out this short six-question survey. I hope to make Have Dog, Will Drive even better in 2018, and your help and input makes that possible!

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE SURVEY

Bringing Home Bean!

We are falling more in love with little Bean (I'll explain more about his full name below) every day. We're still getting to know his personality, so I'm going to save my "Meet Bean" post for later, but I wanted to go ahead and write a post about how we ended up with this little guy! It's kind of a funny story, and overall it's felt very meant-to-be. The process of integrating him into our family has been so much fun but not 100% smooth sailing--there have been moments where we worry about how he fits into our lives or Willie gets annoyed with having a puppy in the house. So with that in mind, you can expect posts about bringing a new puppy into the house with an existing dog, as well as thoughts on crate training, socialization, and more. I can't wait to share all we've learned. But without further introduction, here's the story of how Bean came to be part of the family!

To set the stage, I should explain that we have been thinking about getting Willie a sibling for awhile--pretty much since we adopted him, actually! We knew that bringing two dogs on the Alaska trip would probably be too much, so we wanted to wait until we were back. But, as soon as we saw how much Willie LOVES other dogs , we thought it would be a great idea to get him a brother or sister.

When we started the search, we were pretty sure what our next dog would be like: a girl, pit bull, and most likely already a few years old. Well, as I wrote in my post about bringing home Willie, we make plans and God laughs. We ended up with a dog that is different in every way: a boy, a tiny little mutt, and a PUPPY! Not what we were looking for at all. But somehow, that convinces me even more that he was meant to be ours.

We'd been looking for a pit bull rescue and working with a few rescue organizations, mainly because we were worried about adopting from a shelter where we couldn't introduce Willie to the dog before adopting. With an existing dog, that's definitely an added complication. We contacted Angel City Pit Bulls and Bullies and Buddies (local rescue orgs) and even set up some meet and greets with adoptable dogs. But while we were mulling over what to do, we happened to run out of food for Willie. We went to our local pet store, Tailwaggers, for some food for him, and they happened to be having a cat adoption event at the time. Not being in the market for a new cat, I ignored the setup, and went straight for Willie's food in the back of the store. But then Grace pointed out that there was a little puppy right in the middle of all of the cat carriers! He was shaking like a leaf and seemed very confused and lonely. The lady from the rescue organization running the adoption said I could pick him up, so I gingerly lifted him into my arms . . . and he promptly stopped shaking and fell asleep. To say I was instantly smitten would be an understatement. 

I don't know why, but we just felt something right away. We knew he wasn't what we were looking for, but he worked his puppy magic on us and we just felt like he had literally fallen into our lap, right when we were looking for a second dog. He needed a home (having been surrendered to the South LA Animal Shelter, a high-kill shelter in town, and then picked up by the rescue organization Homeless to Forever Foundation). And he was beyond CUTE and so sweet. Last but not least, I felt like I got a major sign from above in what he was wearing. Compare the two photos below:

He already matched Willie! I'm a sucker for "signs," so when I noticed that, it was kind of all over for me.

The person running the rescue said they had to schedule a home visit, which they did for later that week. They drove him to our house, checked out the puppy supplies we'd bought, supervised the introduction to Willie, and then he was ours! We kept him from that night forward.

Willie has been very curious right away, and he has been intensely interested in grooming Bean from day 1. We think it's a bonding thing. There have been a few moments where Willie has gotten sick of Bean's puppy ways, but I will save that for another post. For the most part, we're all becoming one big happy family :)

That said, the sweet sleeping puppy at Tailwaggers was kind of a ruse. Haha! I can't blame him, because he IS just a puppy, but we had some house training to do, and we've also been teaching him to be comfortable and not cry in his crate (side note: I was totally not into crate training before getting this puppy, but now I see how necessary it is and have been converted!). He is rambunctious, fun, silly, and super playful. So far he is definitely a big dog in a small dog's body, which is exactly how we want him to be given that his older brother is huge. He's done great at puppy playtime and boarding over Christmas, and I think he shows every sign of being a very good dog. It's just a different experience from adopting Casper and Willie, who were both totally trained when we got them! We have to work on Bean, but it's a new experience that we're grateful to have.

Now that I've told the whole story of how he came to be ours, here are a few FAQ's about Bean that I've been getting:

What's his name/how did you pick his name?

Bean's full name is Jellybean Jones Baldridge. It comes from Riverdale/the Archie Comics, and Jellybean is the baby sister of the character Jughead (Grace and I are big Riverdale fans). Jellybean hasn't actually appeared on the show yet, but she's mentioned in it, and she's part of the Archie Comics on which the show is based. We just thought the name Jellybean was so cute, so back when we thought we'd get a girl for our second dog, we decided to name her Jellybean and maybe call her Jelly or Ellie for a nickname. But when we ended up with little Bean, it still fit--but his nickname is Bean instead! I also thought Bean Baldridge was just the cutest little name. Plus, he curls up just like a little pinto:

What kind of dog is he? How big is he going to get?

The answer to both is kind of a mystery! I've never had a small dog before, and from what I understand they stop growing more quickly than big dogs do. That said, Bean is only about 4-6 months old, so it does not sound like he is done growing yet. He gained about 1 pound in 4 weeks, so we're hoping he'll get a little bit bigger! He's 10 pounds right now, and I think his full-grown weight will be 15-20.

As for what kind of dog he is, he's probably a combination of some or all of these breeds: mini dachshund, jack russell terrier, and chihuahua. As he grows, we'll probably be able to tell more, and I also plan to do a doggy DNA test for both him and Willie. I'm very curious, but ultimately it doesn't really matter--I firmly believe that breeds are just a guideline, and especially for a mutt, so much of it depends on training and the energy you (as the alpha) bring to the relationship.

Does Willie like him?

Mostly, yes. But we are setting really strict boundaries right now because of the significant size difference--our primary concern is safety, and our secondary focus is bonding and fun times between the doggies. But I have faith they will be best buds :)

Is it difficult having a puppy?

Honestly, yes, it's a lot more work than just with Willie! But Grace and I are "dog people" through and through. We love dogs of all shapes, sizes, ages, breeds, etc. And this is a new chapter in our life and new adventure--and we can't wait for MANY more years with little Bean! We love him and it's so much fun to share him on the blog.

Thanks for reading! I have lots more to share soon.

He's the cuddliest little guy!