Four Years in California

Four years ago today, on July 18, 2013, I moved to California, and in the time that's followed, I've become more "me" than I knew was possible. For me, California is a Promised Land, a place I loved visiting and dreamed of moving since a young age. I am so grateful to this state, and today I want to share some thoughts about what living here has meant to me and also what it's like to move far away from a place that I also love, my home state of North Carolina. Fair warning, this post gets super sappy AND deeply personal. But I think it's important to share what's on my heart.

My first home in California was in Berkeley, where I moved to attend law school. From the beginning, I planned to stay in the state after graduation, and I only looked for jobs in California during the summers of law school. I got a lot of questions from people back home of "so when are you moving back?", but I knew in my heart that I was meant to stay. Even though I was (barely) old enough to drink alcohol and be considered an "adult" when I moved to California, I just felt like this was the place for me--somewhere I could fit in, see myself starting a family, and go to the beach as much as I wanted. I didn't know it yet, but living here would grow and change me, quickly.

A whole lot has happened in the four years that I've lived in the state (three years in Berkeley and one so far in LA). At age 21, I had already fallen for Grace, but we had only hung out one-on-one once, and I had no plans to see her again. This state is where we actually got to know each other and became "us." I also got my law degree, took the bar exam, and became a lawyer since living here. It really does seem surreal that all of that could have already happened, because it feels like the blink of an eye.

It also feels surreal that in those four years, I adopted a dog who changed my life, held him as he passed away suddenly, and brought home a new pup, all with Grace by my side. If you'd told me in July 2013 (when I barely even knew Grace) that would all happen in the span of four years, I would have never believed you. I would have hysterically laughed, too, if you'd told me I'd start a blog about those experiences. No way.

There have been SO many good things in these four years. There have also been hard things. People (and pets) who have passed away or faded from Grace's and my lives for one reason or another, times of stress and uncertainty, and rocky changes that come with life transitions. But being able to weather them, and clinging to faith and the unwavering joy of knowing that we have been given so many good things to look forward to, is in part due to a dose of magic that I think comes from growing up and choosing your new home. For both Grace and me, that new home is very far from where we grew up. I still struggle with that.

But in an unexpected way, moving away from North Carolina helped me to crystallize the lessons I learned there. It also allowed me to accept my identity as a Southerner in a way that I never would have were I still living in NC. For me, being from the South means that I strongly value family, traditions, and hospitality. It taught me (and I'm still trying to learn) to always be gracious, polite, and consider others' feelings. It also instilled in me faith and gratitude from a young age. I am so lucky to have grown up there. And yet, it wasn't right for me to stay. I could write a book about the reasons why, but ultimately, I wasn't able to find peace in my heart back home. Another way of putting it is that I always felt "different" in a weird way in North Carolina, and in California, I have the chance to feel "different" in a good way.

All that said, I LOVE and am so proud of my home state. I love going back and visiting. If I'm lucky enough to have children and start a family one day, visiting North Carolina (and my parents' house in Virginia) with them would be hugely important to me. It will always be bittersweet that I live here, so far away from my family. I think I'm talking in circles now, but I hope I'm conveying a little bit of why and how I can be 100% sure that I'm meant to live in California and also long for my home state in many ways. I consider myself a Southerner and always will, but today, I'm counting my blessings that I've made my home in the golden state. I just can't wait to see what else it will bring me.

And these two loves are two of the best things to have happened to me in California :) Plus Willie!

Our Journey to Adopting a New Pup!

It's true! We adopted a new fur baby a couple of weeks ago. I am going to introduce him here in a separate post soon (kind of like my Meet Grace and Meet Casper posts), but first, I wanted to share a little bit about our path to bringing him home. 

Soon after Casper died, we had a few people ask us whether/when we would get another dog. Some assumed it was a foregone conclusion, and others asked about it gingerly, not knowing if we were even ready to think about it. The truth is, we were ready to at least think about it almost immediately, because we simply don't know what our lives look like without a dog. We also knew that we would get a dog through a shelter or rescue organization, and the sooner we could bring one home, the less time that particular dog would have to sleep in a concrete kennel instead of in a warm bed. That said, we had no idea what the process of adopting again would look like.

With Casper, we weren't expecting to get a 7 year old, 80-pound pit bull with a dark past. It just kind of worked out that way (you can read more about the story in this post). So, we thought, where do we start when we know we want to adopt an older rescue pit bull (or pit bull mix)? It was kind of like working backwards, unlike when we adopted Casper out of happenstance. And Grace made me promise that we wouldn't get attached to any photo we found online or any particular rescue organization. She also said that the process would probably take a few weeks--we needed to dip our toes in first, meeting a few dogs and introducing ourselves to organizations while also donating some of Casper's stuff and just getting ourselves more comfortable with the idea of letting a new pup into our hearts.

For some reason, my thought going into the process was that adopting through a rescue organization this time "made sense" more so than adopting from a shelter. When dogs are in these organizations' systems, they tend to be more socialized, better with people and other dogs, and the organization will be able to tell you a lot more about the dogs' personalities and histories because they've worked closely with them. At a shelter, the dogs stay in individual small kennels/cages for the vast majority of their days, and their history is often totally unknown if they were found as a stray (like Casper was). Even though we adopted Casper from a shelter and loved him to pieces, I felt like lightning wouldn't strike twice--we needed to go through an organization that was, for lack of a better word, a little more organized than a shelter.

Well, as many people have said, we make plans and God laughs. The process didn't take a few weeks, it took 2 days, and we didn't adopt from an organization, we adopted from the exact shelter where we got Casper. But let me back up and tell the full story.

To be honest, I had lot of anxiety surrounding the process of adopting another dog. When Casper died, it felt SO unplanned and uncontrollable. I felt like searching for our next dog was a process that I could control, and so I desperately tried to. Grace gently reminded me that I couldn't control this, either. She promised me that we wouldn't end up with a dog that wasn't "our dog," and we also wouldn't leave behind a dog that WAS "our dog." As soon as we started thinking about adopting again, I spent a lot of time on the websites and Instagrams of several organizations that seemed like a good fit for us. I researched and eventually got in contact with NKLA, Angel City Pit Bulls, and Downtown Dog Rescue. One day after work, we decided to drive over to NKLA's adoption center just to check it out and see what it felt like meeting a few dogs. We were amazed at the facility there; it is the nicest dog rescue I have ever seen. We even asked to take a couple of dogs out of their kennels to meet them. They were sweet and we had fun with them, but it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to be our next dog. We went home, feeling encouraged by the experience of "getting out there" in regards to looking for another dog.

Two days later, we had an appointment to meet some dogs at Downtown Dog Rescue. We LOVED their mission of helping homeless and low-income people keep their dogs (they offer veterinary services and supplies at reduced or no cost), and they also have a kennel where rescue dogs are up for adoption. Our experience there was so special. The setup is lovely--I recommend anyone looking for a rescue to consider them. Feel free to use my contact page if you want to know more about how to get in touch with them; the process is a little different from just walking into your local shelter. We met some amazing dogs there. I even thought one or two of them could be "the one," but Grace pointed out some issues that we probably weren't prepared to deal with at this stage in our lives (i.e. extremely high energy, not house-trained, etc.). So while we left feeling like we most likely hadn't met our dog yet, it was still a great visit, and we got to donate some of Casper's items to be used by dogs in need. We loved that.

After leaving Downtown Dog Rescue, the one other thing Grace and I wanted to accomplish that day was to go by the West LA Animal Shelter, where we adopted Casper, to bring the volunteers flowers and just to tell them about Casper and how much we appreciate the work they do. We drove over to that side of town and picked up a flower arrangement on the way. As we were arriving at the shelter, Grace took a wrong turn and ended up on the back side of the facility, where the staff/volunteer parking lot is located. Right at that moment, Grace sees a car pull up to the parking lot--and she recognizes the driver. It was the same volunteer who helped us adopt Casper! She is an older, no-nonsense lady who loves animals more than anything and demands that they be respected. When we were first looking at Casper (at age 23 and 24--haha!) she told us we weren't ready. It kind of rubbed us the wrong way (even though WE weren't sure we were ready, either), but after Grace visited every day for a week to prove herself, she trusted Grace and gave her blessing over the adoption. She told Grace, "just remember, this is another heartbeat." That always stuck with both of us, even though we never saw that lady again. Until today. 

We walked into the lobby of the shelter with the flowers, and the volunteer lady came in at the same time. We walked over to her, saying that she might not remember us, but we adopted an older dog here a few years ago and we wanted to bring flowers in his memory since he recently passed away. We showed her a picture. She started crying. "Yes, I do remember that dog. I always wondered how his life turned out." We told her about how he had seen the whole state--Yosemite, Joshua Tree, Big Sur, San Diego, the Bay Area, etc. We were all tearing up. Then the lady asked us, "Are you ready for your next dog?" We hesitated--"kind of! We are JUST starting to look; we really just want to meet some dogs and ease into it." She said "okay, look around, take your time. You've been here before. But when you're ready, I have a special dog for you to meet."

I kind of knew it was all over as soon as she said that. She pointed him out to us. His name in the shelter was Teddy, and he'd been there for almost a year. He was roughly 6 years old. He had a special sign on his kennel to help people notice him, just like Casper did (I included a photo of it below). In the picture, he's wearing a red bandanna. Casper always wore a red bandanna. And in the back corner of his kennel is a black Kong. Casper had the EXACT same kind, and it was his favorite toy. Looking around, we noticed that this dog was the only one in the shelter with a Kong in his kennel. That's a weird coincidence, we thought.

We walked around and looked at other dogs. There were some really sweet ones. Though it's sad to see them in such small spaces without a lot to occupy them or keep them happy, we kept saying what good "energy" this shelter had, as silly as that may sound. Memories started flooding back--the spot where I took the first photo of Grace and Casper, the play area where we first took him out and played fetch. It was bittersweet but special to remember those first visits with him. But during all of this, we kept thinking about this dog that the volunteer pointed out to us. She knew we were open to an older dog, that we were used to a medium to low energy dog, and that we took a lot of road trips. What could it hurt to take him out of his kennel and meet him? So we did. My palms actually started sweating, I was so excited to meet this dog. He ran up to us in the play yard and stretched his legs, taking interest in a few toys that were on the ground but mostly just taking in his surroundings and meeting us. All the while, volunteers are singing this dog's praises. One even showed us a video on her phone of him performing an agility course! He was amazing, so fast and strong. But also so gentle and timid. Even though we were used to Casper's issues with other dogs and were open to a dog with "issues" again, we come to find out that this dog is actually the one the shelter would use for "temperament testing" to check whether other dogs were okay around dogs, since he was so friendly and mellow. They even introduced him to a cat in front of us and he was fine! Grace looks at me over the dog's head and her eyes are dancing. She nods quickly and I "give the signal" back. This was the one.

But, we were really not prepared to get a dog THAT day. We had already donated all of Casper's stuff, so we had literally no supplies--no bed, no collar or leash, etc. We had been thinking that when we found "our dog," we would sleep on it for a couple of days and do 1-2 additional visits while we got everything ready for him. But when we expressed that to the volunteers, they explained something we hadn't realized. This particular weekend all of the dogs at the shelter were completely free to adopt. They said that while this is a great promotion, it sometimes backfires in that the wrong people adopt a dog. After hearing about the life we gave Casper, they REALLY wanted us to take this dog, especially given that he was the volunteers' favorite and they wanted him to experience a real home. What's more, this dog had already been adopted by the wrong person once and GIVEN BACK a month later to a high-kill shelter! The West LA shelter had spent another month trying to get him back and save him from being euthanized for overcrowding. As soon as we thought about the fact that someone else could swoop in and get "our dog" on a weekend when they see a high turnover rate because the dogs are free, we knew we had to take him right then and there.

The only other problem was that we didn't have a leash and collar to take him home with, which was obviously necessary. However, a sweet volunteer let us borrow her leash and collar and told us that her daughter owned a pet store just down the street. She suggested that we use her leash and collar to go to the pet store, buy our own, and then leave the loaner with her daughter so she could get it back. As we were getting everything ready for the adoption, volunteers started crowding around, tears in their eyes to see this sweet dog get a forever home. We told them about our plans to drive to Alaska and they started digging out supplies, wanting to send us off with coats for him, beds, etc. They didn't end up finding a coat that fit perfectly, but we told them we had plenty of time before September to get him outfitted. They gave us email addresses, wanting us to send photos of him in Alaska and Canada. We were surrounded by love, and we felt so sure that this pup was meant to be ours--in fact, that Casper had anointed him just for us.

Waiting in line to officially sign the adoption papers, we realized that we needed a name. His name was Teddy in the shelter, but I didn't love it for him. I know a (very sweet) dog named Teddy, but he is VERY different from our dog, and it seemed weird for them to have the same name. To top it off, Grace's brother once had a ferret named Teddy that met a very sad demise . . . so the name just wasn't doing it for us. I pulled out my phone, where I'd been making a list of potential girl and boy dog names. Following our RuPaul experience from the day after Casper died (read here if you don't know the story), we were pretty sure that our next dog would be named Ru. But when we met this dog, he just didn't seem like a Ru. We even tried calling him Ru at the shelter to see what he thought, but he was not into it. We considered a few others, including Earnest and Tag, but they weren't right, either. We thought harder. Grace said, "what about Billie?" The lady volunteer who led us to both Casper and this dog is named Billie, so what if we named this dog in her honor? But I didn't really love it for a boy; I thought it was darling as a girl name. Then Grace said, "well how about Willie? Like Willie Nelson? We're getting 'On the Road Again' with our next dog." I instantly loved it. It's a nod to Billie, our shelter guardian angel, and I love the "On the Road Again" idea. We even realized another little connection--Free Willie (though spelled differently than the movie), since he was free at the shelter. On the drive home, we played and sung along to "On the Road Again," and our Willie loved it. The name was perfect. His full name is "Willie Nelson Baldridge" (Grace's last name).

Grace walking out of the shelter with Willie. After having been in there for a year, to say he was excited is an understatement!

Later, after naming Willie, we had another moment kind of like the RuPaul story--a coincidence that we knew couldn't be a coincidence. I'll try to make this one short. After Casper died, Grace's amazing dad sent me a book as a birthday gift, called The Gospel According to Sam. It's written by Father Bill Miller, and it's about the experience of loving, and eventually losing, a dog named Sam, and the spiritual lessons that came along with that. It's a wonderful book. During the process of grieving, Grace would read aloud to me passages from the book while I was cooking dinner for us. It has some amazing stories, and we were so taken with Sam, a dog we never even met. Well, Grace's dad didn't mention this when he sent the book, but he actually knows the author personally (as they are both ordained in the Episcopal Church, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised). Grace wasn't aware that her dad knew the author either. A little while after we adopted Willie, I messaged Grace's dad to thank him for the book. He told me that Father Bill, the author, actually came to stay with him and Grace's mom in Belgium after Sam (the dog) died. Then, he casually threw in--"by the way, this isn't in the book, but Bill's new dog is also named Willie Nelson." WHAT?! I about fell out of my chair when I read that. Grace and I had no way of knowing that when we named Willie. I racked my brain for ways we might have subliminally gotten the idea for using it as a dog's name through Grace's dad or something, but there's zero chance because Grace and I had no clue. Plus, Grace had independently been listening to a lot of (the singer) Willie Nelson around the time we adopted Willie, so it's a true coincidence. And yet, of course it's not. It's meant to be, and it's another sign that we are on the right path with this dog, even though we have no idea where we're going, still wading in a sea of sadness and shock from losing Casper. But "coincidences" like this one give us strength.

I'll explain much more about his personality in my Meet Willie post (soon to come), but one thing about him is that he is FUNNY. From day one, he has made me laugh so hard. He's a quirky, special guy, and we are so excited for everything to come with him. It's so strange and funny that he's coming with us to Alaska--a trip we meticulously planned for Casper. But it feels right. Grace keeps saying, "Willie, you hit the jackpot! Get excited for your all expenses paid trip to Canada and Alaska!"

In the meantime, we are getting to know each other better and better. After being the shelter for so long, it makes sense that Willie would need some time to come out of his shell. He's shy but so, so sweet. He's already made some dog friends--it's a weird experience introducing your dog to other dogs and letting them play when your last dog could never do that due to abuse and aggression issues. But it's special, too. We're lucky. We LOVE shelter dogs and feel that it is so right for us to adopt an older dog. Willie came to us house-trained, socialized, and we've barely heard a peep out of him in terms of barking or whining. But it is different than just getting a puppy (I think it's better!). For that reason, and because we are still feeling so tender about losing Casper, we have taken our time introducing him to people, and I've stayed pretty quiet about the adoption until now. But as he adjusts to his new life and as we get to know him better, I have a feeling he is going to be Mister Popular. He's truly a GOOD dog.

Willie's getting pretty comfortable in his new life.

I can't overstate the mix of emotions, the raw feelings, the highs and lows, and the beauty of the experience of losing Casper and adopting Willie in such a short span of time. On our first full day with Willie, I sobbed, feeling like I was going to tear my hair out at the thought of never seeing Casper's face again in this lifetime (this has been a thought that has haunted me since he's died; I don't know why I'm having such a hard time accepting it). Me having an emotional meltdown had nothing to do with Willie--it's just that I'm very much still grieving Casper. In fact, it helped a lot to have a dog to snuggle when I was feeling so sad. I KNOW that it's right for us to have adopted Willie when we did. Casper picked him out for us. But I will admit, the timing is funny and confusing. Such is life.

One of the first times I was alone with Willie, I just stared at him, and he silently stared back with huge golden eyes. As I looked at him, I thought, "Oh, Willie. Look at you. I don't even know you yet, and I've already accepted the fact that you're going to wiggle your way into my heart more and more with every day that passes. We're going to drive thousands of miles and have countless adventures together. Am I going to hold you across my lap as you take your last breath; am I going to have to find the strength to lift you on your last day when you can't walk anymore, like Casper? Am I going to cry a hundred thousand tears once you're gone?"

It's too much to wrap my head around right now, this ebb and flow, change and consistency, circles of life, and love of dogs. But here we are, on the road again, with Willie Nelson Baldridge.

How to Plan a Group Camping Trip

Last Fall, Grace and I planned a group camping trip for about 15 of our friends to celebrate Grace's birthday. Because of the number of people and our priority of having our own plot of land out in the wild away from civilization and other campers, there were a lot of logistics involved! But through some diligent planning and a bit of luck, it turned out to be one of my favorite weekends of last Fall if not all of 2016. Though it's been a few months, today I want to share a bit about that trip and my tips for planning a group camping trip!

Also, I was truly having so much fun that weekend that I forgot to take many photos, so some of the photos in this post are from the website advertising the place we rented, and some others are my friends' that they posted on social media. But overall the best representation of the weekend is the video below, which my videographer friend Bia made to commemorate our experience. Watch it to get an idea before reading the rest of the post!

The location of our group camping weekend was Joshua Tree, an area we've visited and loved many times since living in Southern California. Once we decided that we wanted to plan a group camping trip for Grace's birthday, we spent a ton of time trying to find the perfect spot that could accommodate 15-20 people. I would say that was the most difficult aspect of the planning process. We really wanted to get a place with at least a bathroom for our friends who weren't as comfortable in the outdoors, and we needed somewhere to cook large group meals. We wanted it to be within 1-2 hours of LA, and we needed something affordable, as we were committed to paying for the space on our own so that our friends would only have to contribute by bringing whatever food and drinks they wanted. This was especially important to us because a few of our friends were buying camping gear specifically for this trip, so we didn't want the trip to be a financial burden on anyone. Our budget was about $300-400--pretty tight to find a place where 15-20 people could stay for a whole weekend!

But, Hipcamp came through with the perfect place. (By the way, Hipcamp doesn't know me. I just love them.) We camped at Skycamp Joshua Tree, which has three separate campsites within it. Normally, you can reserve just one of the sites, and then there are communal areas to share with other campers. But we decided to reserve all three sites so that we would have the entire place, including communal areas, to ourselves. I can't say enough great things about Skycamp. It's a flat plot of land surrounded by mountains and desert scenery. There is a large covered space that serves as the communal kitchen and outdoor dining area, and there is a really nice bathroom setup with a flushing toilet (as opposed to a porta potty situation). There is even an outdoor shower with hot water! It was pretty chilly on the weekend that we camped, but other than that, I really can't imagine a better setup for a group camping trip.

Our lovely bathroom setup

My friend Alex Stevenson took this beautiful photo looking out at the sunset from our camp site :)

My first tip for planning a group camping trip is to plan EARLY if you can. If you can get people to contribute to the cost, you can likely afford something pretty great. But even if you want to front the cost yourself, there are group sites out there that I've seen for around $80 a night. Usually, those less expensive places are within a larger campground, so you might not have as much privacy, but it's a great option.

And in the same vein as planning early, I really recommend just biting the bullet and booking something, even if you don't necessarily have confirmation that the weekend will suit everyone's schedule or the location is to their liking. Grace and I have found a few times when planning group camping trips or getaways that we just have to rent something or make a reservation, and if it works for other people's schedules, they can join us. In every case, we've ended up having a group be able to join us, but if we tried to plan with everyone's input, the planning would get stilted and we'd never actually get the plan off the ground. Executive decisions are key!

Photo by Bia, who made the video above!

Once we had it booked, we needed to get everyone organized. I recommend a combination of Facebook events (If you use Facebook) and Google Docs. We made a Facebook event to get the camping weekend on people's radar, and then within the event we included a link to a Google Doc. The Google Doc helped us keep track of who was coming (for purposes of buying food), and it helped match people who needed a spot in a tent or who needed a ride to Joshua Tree with others who had room in their tent or car. We also had a space for people to write whether they were bringing food to share and whether they had any outdoor games or gear to contribute.

Speaking of food, for the group camping trip we kept it simple. Given the variety of palates, dietary restrictions, etc. of our friends, we figured we would let them bring their own preferred meats or non-meats to grill, favorite snacks, and alcohol/other beverages. Grace and I brought enough food to make a basic hot breakfast for everyone each morning with about 60 eggs, a few cartons of croissants from the Costco bakery, and a few boxes of veggie sausages (we don't eat real sausage but we were happy for people to bring their own). Then for dinners, most people brought burgers and other foods to grill, and we provided a side that everyone could customize to their liking: grilled potato packets! I diced a bunch of raw potatoes and laid out a variety of toppings, like cheese, chopped tomatoes, vegetarian "bacon bits," green onion, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper, and more. Everyone could take foil sheets and make their own potato packets with the toppings they liked, seal them up, and put them on the grill for 20-30 minutes. It was the tastiest addition to the grilling meats and veggies that everyone brought.

Skycamp has a large barrel-style grill, which made cooking for a group easy. In the evenings, we would make bonfires in the rock fire pits, which were set up just below the eating area. After dinner we would have a few drinks and roast marshmallows--my favorite part of the day!

Amir Nikoui, who also happens to be Grace's producer on Pop Trigger and Murder with Friends, took this photo of us.

In terms of planning activities, we didn't do much. The Joshua Tree landscape is a great place for videography and photography, which a lot of our friends do for their jobs and/or hobbies, so that kept people occupied. You can also hike right from the campground, so a few of our friends would set off doing that from time to time during the weekend. But overall the main way we spent our time was just enjoying the views and relaxing. With that in mind, one thing I recommend asking people to bring on a group camping trip is their own chair. It ended up working out perfectly at our campground because Skycamp comes with a few chairs and tables, as well as some hanging hammock chairs, but we also supplemented with a bunch of folding "soccer mom" chairs. Being able to make a circle of our chairs for telling stories, eating meals, and playing games like Mafia (haha!) made everyone so much more comfortable, and it would have been a long weekend of sitting on the ground otherwise.

Finally, my last recommendation when planning a group camping trip is to keep an open mind about others' comfort levels and abilities with camping. Grace and I feel very comfortable roughing it for a weekend, but to appeal to a wider interest, we knew that we needed to find a place with a few amenities. Also, some of our friends didn't want to sleep in a tent, so they drove to Joshua Tree just for a day trip to hang out and celebrate. And that was great too! Group camping trips can be a behemoth to plan and execute, so not trying to control everyone's schedule or interests (looking at myself here) is the key to making it smooth and actually FUN.

We are already thinking about doing a similar group trip for Grace's birthday this coming November! It's a new tradition that I think will only get sweeter with time as we get a chance to explore more and more places. That said, I would also gladly return to Skycamp--it's a special experience!

Memories of the weekend captured by my friend Sara Snyder

This has nothing to do with the subject of this post, but I wanted to also include a heartfelt THANK YOU here to anyone reading. When I started this blog less than two months ago, I truly never thought more than a handful of people (mainly my family and a few friends) would read it. And that was totally fine with me! I was just seeking an outlet to write and share. I had hopes of building community and reaching people that I'd never meet in real life, but I didn't expect that would happen quickly, if at all. 

When I started this blog, I also didn't at all expect to lose Casper within a few weeks. And while that pain is still searing, sharing his story has been such an encouragement and comfort. As it turns out, a lot of people found this blog through Casper, and getting emails from people around the world about him has made my heart swell. Through analytics, I can see where people are reading my blog from (don't worry, not your exact location! Just your country), and it has been amazing to find out that about half of my readers are international! I know this blog is styled as a Southern California camping blog, but I'm hoping that some posts (like this one) will be applicable no matter where in the world you are reading. It has been so exciting seeing all of the countries on my analytics page, and I want to say thank you so much and give a shout-out to: Australia, Canada, Kuwait, Germany, Russia, Ireland, France, Belgium, Norway, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Portugal, Morocco, the Netherlands, Denmark, Slovenia, Sweden, Finland, Spain, Austria, Mexico, India, Georgia, Bulgaria, New Zealand, Ukraine, Serbia, Chile, Singapore, Greece, Brazil, Japan, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Italy, Taiwan, Namibia, Kenya, Guatemala, Romania, Colombia, Egypt, Croatia, Israel, Malaysia, Sudan, Monaco, Nicaragua, United Arab Emirates, Vietnam, Latvia, Poland, Suriname, and South Africa. I have never been to the vast majority of these places, and I am in disbelief that people from almost every continent are reading! (Still holding out for you, Antarctica). Thank you, thank you, thank you. I realize that about 95% of you probably found me through Grace and the Young Turks, and that's awesome. That you would spend part of your day reading my little blog is beyond humbling. I say this in basically every post, but I really would love to get to know anyone reading, so do feel free to Contact me and introduce yourself. The emails I've gotten so far are so wonderful. Thank you. 

xoxo

My Favorite Place on Earth

I spent the past few days in my favorite place on earth: White Stone, Virginia, population 352 people, and the location of my family's cottage on the Chesapeake Bay.  This post might be a little off-topic for the theme of my blog, but I just couldn't resist sharing some photos and stories from my family vacation. Hope you enjoy!

My dad's birthday is July 3, and this year was his 60th. With the 4th of July being a national holiday, it worked out perfectly for me to fly to the East Coast for a few days. The 4th of July was always a big holiday for my family because my dad's birthday is so close to it, but we hadn't all been together for it since the summer after I graduated college! This time together was so sweet and long-overdue.

Our family dog, Huck

For those who aren't familiar, the Chesapeake Bay is the largest estuary in North America, and it is within the states of Maryland and Virginia. It kind of looks like a lake when you're right beside it, but it is actually a huge inlet that feeds out to the Atlantic Ocean if you go far enough. It has brackish water, which is a mix of fresh and salt water because it's where rivers from the land collect and run into the ocean. The section of the Chesapeake where my family has a house is called the Tidewater Virginia area.

This part of the world is so special to us because our connections to it run deep and wide (kind of like the Bay itself). My great-grandfather grew oysters in the Bay, which for a while (after his time) became so toxic because of the water pollution that you couldn't eat them. Now, the Bay is getting healthier, and you can eat the oysters again (lucky for us!). A lot of my childhood was spent on my grandmother's 25-acre farm on the shores of the Chesapeake. A little over 10 years ago, my parents decided to buy their own place just across the water from the farm, which is much smaller. Funny enough, my parents actually bought their house from some of our best family friends, who are my sister's godparents! They also had a Chesapeake house, which we had visited many times, but they decided to sell it to buy a place closer to their grandparents. My parents asked their realtor to take them around to different properties, and they were shocked when he drove them to their best friends' house! It turned out to be the perfect fit that our family friends were selling right when we were buying, and it has made our place all the more special. Before we even moved in, my siblings and I had memories of sleepovers and Easter Egg hunts there. A few years later, my grandmother sold her farm, so now our full-time Chesapeake house is my parents' cottage (affectionately called, "The Cottage"). 

The Cottage is over 100 years old, located so close to the water that we worry about global warming taking it, and the stairs in it lean slightly away from the water because of the wind blowing the house over all those years. It is a slice of heaven and beyond charming. My parents make lovingly deprecating comments about it because it has its quirks and it is OLD . . . but we love it more than anything. And, as a little sign in our kitchen says, "If you're lucky enough to have a house by the water, you're lucky enough."

Virginia grown!

My brother sneaking Huck a morsel

Just a few favorites from the week: singing along with my sister to the Dixie Chicks at the top of our lungs on the drive from the airport, sunny days with lots of boat rides, eating at all of our favorite Chesapeake places, and even better eating my mom's signature meal: tomato pie and crab cakes, celebrating my dad's 60th birthday all together and surprising him with a dinner party of our close friends and neighbors, drinking wine and talking into the night in the rocking chairs on our screened-in porch, watching a southern summer storm roll through, and catching lightning bugs in the dim early evening light. I've always thought that when you catch your first lightning bug of summer, you get to make a wish. I know I'm not supposed to say what I wish for, but I wished on a lightning bug that I get to bring Grace to the Chesapeake soon :) She's never been!

My dad water-skiing on his 60th birthday

I think the chances are slim that anyone reading this would be planning a trip to the Tidewater Virginia area, but just in case you are (or maybe to inspire others to go there!), here are a few recommendations:

Stay: The Tides Inn, Hope & Glory Inn

Eat: Merroir, the Carwash Cafe, KC's Crabs and Cues, Dixie Deli, or get ingredients to cook at home from the Old Farm Truck or the Dug In Farm Stand on Fleets Bay Road

Do: Wine tastings at the Dog & Oyster Vineyard, boating/kayaking, day trips to historic colonial towns like Urbana, blackberry picking (they grow wild on the side of the road everywhere here in summer), and buying local crafts and foods from the Irvington Farmer's Market

Shop: Farm, the Dandelion, Weekends, Kilmarnock Antique Gallery

What's your favorite part of the world?

July Goals + June Recap

Looking back at my June goals from the beginning of last month feels pretty strange. Whenever I write monthly goals, I have an awareness that the month might not turn out how I plan, but June 2017 really took me for a ride. I got a few of my goals done (like switching over my health insurance--super necessary and I feel very lucky to have been able to do that so seamlessly, especially these days), but honestly, most of my goals went out the window. I had planned to do a June goal recap and assess my progress, but in the spirit of giving myself grace and still feeling very tender about June and losing Casper, instead I'm going to list my "June Favorites" before moving on to my July 2017 goals.

June 2017 Favorites

• Celebrating West Hollywood Pride for the 4th year with Grace and our amazing friends
• Hosting my rainbow picnic
• Going to a conveyor belt sushi place for the first time (I have always wanted to try one, and I LOVED it)
• Bringing flowers in Casper's memory to the shelter where we adopted him and meeting a couple of volunteers who remembered him
• Meeting our dear friend Sam's new baby Sophie
• Getting my hair cut for the first time in the better part of a year (so ridiculous, I know)

July 2017 Goals

I have a feeling July is going to feel short but so sweet. Grace and I are each going out of town on different weekends, so we only have 2 and a half weekends in the month when we'll both be in town and together. I am going to try to make the most of them!

• Book accommodations for a friend's wedding we're going to be roadtripping to in the fall 
• Make an "essentials" plan and budget for Alaska (water, gasoline, non-perishables, Canadian car insurance, etc.)
• Enjoy a family vacation that I could NOT be more excited for in my favorite place on earth--my dad's 60th birthday and the Fourth of July are one day apart, so it worked out perfectly for us to all be together and celebrate
• Use early mornings as a time to exercise, and plan it in advance
• Plan a day trip somewhere we've never been for one of the weekends when we're both in town (one of my Summer 2017 goals)

If you set July goals, I'd love to hear about them! And happy Independence Day this weekend!

How to Camp on Raw Land

As I mentioned in my How to Find the Right Camping/Glamping Site post, Grace and I love to "glamp" in hybrid camping/cabin type setups, often with all of the amenities for comfort but a rustic, pure getaway feel. But, sometimes we also just want to get back to basics and really experience the wild spaces all around us. This post is all about camping on raw land. Raw land  means that there is no running water, plumbing, facilities, or anything other than beautiful views, starry skies, and a flat piece of earth to pitch a tent. There will usually be a dirt road or a semi-defined path to drive there (Grace has a Subaru SUV which makes things easy). This type of camping is "roughing it" quite a bit more than staying at a maintained campground, and there is also a safety factor to consider. For that reason, I don't recommend this as a first camping experience. But if you're feeling adventurous and don't mind going without the comforts of home for a night or two, it's well worth it! You just can't get this type of peace and quiet in any other camping situation. Below, I will share some of my tips for camping on raw land, as well as links to two bookable spots that we've loved.

This pup loved some wide open spaces.

Finding a place to set up camp: first and foremost, I should clarify that we don't just wander onto random vacant lots to camp. Believe it or not, there are private lands that you can book through sites like Airbnb and Hipcamp that offer acres of privacy and wilderness or desert to explore. Backcountry camping (outside of a defined campground) is also possible in parks such as Joshua Tree and Yosemite, though you will need a permit to do so and dogs generally aren't allowed. 

For Labor Day 2016, we camped on a 1000-acre cattle ranch in Coarsegold, California (right outside Yosemite), where we were able to just drive around off-road to find our perfect camping spot and kick back and relax. Several of the photos in this post, including the one at the top of the three of us, are from that trip. 

And for Memorial Day 2016, we camped in the Lucerne Valley (a dry lake desert) on a large piece of land with gorgeous and ethereal views. The desert-looking photos in this post are from that location. We loved it so much there that we are actually going back in a couple of weeks just for the day to do a photography/video project!

Basic questions: I'm not going to talk about it in detail, but of course a question that comes up is using the bathroom in nature. There's no magic to this--just bring the essentials like toilet paper and a small trowel/shovel.

Speaking of essentials, it is crucial to bring TONS of water when camping on raw land. A good rule of thumb is a gallon per person per day (include dogs in the number of people!), but I like to double that just in case some spills and so that you have extra to rinse off plates and cooking utensils. 

Be very careful with fires, and check fire restrictions for the county where you're camping. When fires are permitted, we have built fires on raw land with a makeshift fire ring of rocks to keep it contained. But if you're unsure AT ALL, just don't make a fire. We have camped a few times where fire restrictions were in place and we had a great time without risking it. There are also plenty of yummy camping recipes you can make without a fire! Below is a photo of some "raw tacos" I made when we couldn't have a fire--I prepped most of the ingredients in advance, assembled at the campsite, and we ate them at room temperature. Delicious :)

What is there to do? I realize that this might not be everyone's idea of a good time. But if you're itching for some space to roam or to get out of your comfort zone, some of the most amazing experiences are waiting for you in these untouched places! A few of my favorite things to do when camping on raw land are: hiking right from our site, practicing photography skills in nature, kicking back in a folding chair and reading a book, and watching how much Casper loved roaming and exploring off-leash. A favorite memory is from camping on the 1000 acre cattle ranch--we woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of hooves. I will admit, I was a little freaked out at first. But looking out of our tent windows to see beautiful ponies surrounding us in the starlight was truly special. Casper actually slept through the whole thing-haha!

One other thing I have to touch on is safety. Having a dog, especially a large pit bull like Casper, helped us feel safe when camping in a remote area. But in general, camping with a buddy is a good idea, and letting people know where you're going is important. While it's easy to think of spooky stories when camping out in the wilderness, the biggest safety issue is one that you can directly control: staying hydrated and not getting too much sun. Casper has the right idea in the picture below!

I'm not sure if I could camp on raw land for days at a time, but it is a really cool and different experience for a night or two. It's also the perfect time to reflect on priorities and reevaluate, because you are unlikely to see a single other person other than the people you're camping with. I can't think of a better way to completely "get away from it all." 

Wishing you happy and safe camping!

The Life of Casper

I've thought over and over about how to start writing this post, trying to come up with something succinct and eloquent to capture how I'm feeling and everything that's happened. I can't. What I can say is: our beloved Casper died this past Saturday, June 17, 2017. We miss him so much. We will always love him.

Grace and I are overwhelmed by the weight of our grief, but I also want to emphasize right away how much PEACE we have felt over the past few days. Peace when it doesn't make sense; inexplicable peace. And we are so, so grateful for the life of Casper and for each other.

Naturally, many people have wondered what happened. Friends in LA had seen him just a few days before he died, and they didn't notice anything wrong. Neither did we. Though the memories of his last days are still extremely confusing and painful for me, I want to share them here because I know that people are curious, which is understandable.

On Wednesday, three days before he died, we saw that there was blood in his urine. But otherwise, he had no symptoms. I noticed it first, while Grace was at work. I immediately called the vet, even before I told Grace. The vet said that it was troubling but not an emergency; we could come in the next day for an appointment. We did, on Thursday evening, and they said he looked otherwise healthy but they took some urine and blood samples to do some testing. Maybe he had a urinary tract infection or a kidney infection, the vet thought. We told them that we were supposed to go out of town the next day (with Casper), and we asked whether we still should. They said yes, absolutely. We should continue normal activities. I'm not including this detail because we blame our vet in any way. It just gives context for why we would go out of town when our dog was showing some signs of health issues.

So on Friday, June 16, we drove to Joshua Tree. We had rented a cabin down a dirt road to enjoy a quiet getaway for my birthday, which was the 17th. Casper snoozed in the back of Grace's car on the drive, and when we got there, he sniffed around curiously and enjoyed the large amount of land to roam off-leash. We noticed he was a little off; he was still peeing blood, and his back legs seemed weak. We also got a voicemail from the vet telling us that the test results had come back, and his kidney, liver, and proteins levels were a little high, but that they still couldn't tell what was wrong based on that. We tried to enjoy the desert and stay calm and love on our sweet pup.

In the evening, we decided to order some pizza from a place in Joshua Tree that we really like. As I mentioned, our rental house was down a dirt road, so we had to drive to go pick it up. Along the way, we took a wrong turn, and we ended up careening down what was essentially an ATV trail, terrified. The sun was setting and we had no cell service. Casper was in the back of the car, wondering what on earth his mamas were doing. We eventually made our way back to safer ground (at one point, I had to get out of the car and direct Grace as she backed out around some boulders . . . again, terrifying), and we decided to ditch the pizza idea. We just headed back to the house, shaky and exhausted. As we hopped out of the car, we saw the most gorgeous purple sky. I pulled out my camera and snapped some photos of Casper against the backdrop. We didn't know it, but that would be his last sunset, and those photos were some of the last we'd take of him. We will cherish them forever, and we are so thankful for the wild series of events that led us to that perfect moment with the sunset and Casper. We even played a little fetch. He was a bit lethargic, but he still enthusiastically tried to bite apart the stick we threw for him. We're so glad we got to do that one last time.

That night, we just hung out and rested with Casper. He was cold, and we wrapped him in a blanket. We couldn't really get him to eat, even when I cooked him an egg and put it in his food bowl. I actually don't remember that much of what I was thinking that night. We were worried about him, but we definitely hadn't given up hope. But I do remember lying down on the floor beside him and crying hot tears into his neck. He would always get nervous when we cried and try to comfort us and lick our tears away, so I held my breath, not wanting to upset him. 

The next morning (my birthday), I woke up around 5:45am to Grace opening the door of the cabin to let Casper out. A couple minutes later, she poked her head back in--"I need you. Casper can't walk." I tore out of bed and out the door. He was weak, his back legs falling out from under him. But we held him up, willed him to walk, and encouraged him. He eventually was able to go to the bathroom. Maybe his legs are just sleepy since it's early, I thought. We took him back inside and lifted him up and put him in the bed. He and Grace fell back asleep instantly, both of them breathing heavy and deep. I stayed up, said some prayers for Casper, and took some photos of that sweet last nap. Again, we didn't know for sure that any of these things were the "last." But as time went on, we kind of knew. By around 6:30 or 7am, I was pretty sure this was Casper's last day on this earth. But I clung to hope at the same time.

Baby boy resting with his mama in his final hours on earth

Around 8am, Grace and Casper woke back up. 8am was also the time that the vet in Joshua Tree opened, as well as our vet in West Hollywood. I called them both, seeing if there were appointments available, explaining how things had progressed, and asking what to do. During this time, a lot of confusion and panic set in for me, as I found that no vets--even the emergency ones--had any availability for hours, and we were hours from home. Shaky, I called vet after vet--Joshua Tree, Palm Springs, Yucca Valley, LA. I know now that we weren't meant to find a vet, that sweet Casper's last hours were never meant to be spent in a place where he'd be scared or uncomfortable. But I felt helpless. While I was on the phone, Casper started showing some telltale signs that the end might be near. Gasping, crying out, and not being able to control some bodily functions. Shaking and shuddering. It was so scary (and I'm crying again as I write this). But Grace and I looked at each other and we knew what to do. Today was going to be one of the worst days we had experienced, and we wanted to go home. We love Joshua Tree, but we didn't want to be out there far away from everyone we knew. Grace stayed by Casper's side while I packed up the cabin as fast as I could. I put on clothes, and then I went to Casper's side. Grace ran out to get the air conditioning going in the car so that Casper wouldn't have to sit in a hot car while it cooled down. Once we were packed up and the car was ready, we had to get him to it. I should mention that he was completely paralyzed at this point, other than breathing and blinking. He couldn't lift his head or neck or stand up. I scooped my arms under him and carried him to the car. I don't know where the strength came from, because I'd never carried him that far before and he was a very meaty boy. Much later, I would realize how many muscles I pulled and how sore I was from that journey with him, but I wouldn't change a thing.

In shock and filled with adrenaline, we set off toward LA. It's about a two and a half hour drive. We wanted to take him home, and we prayed out loud that he would make it back with us. I sat in the back of the car with Casper, cradling him, and Grace was in the front seat, driving with her left hand and reaching around with her right to hold his front paw. I stroked his face, telling him every minute how brave and strong he was and how much we loved him. Somehow, I didn't cry. I didn't want him to think we needed him to protect us. I wanted him to know we were okay and we would take care of him. We could tell he was in pain and his breathing was shallow. As the minutes passed, I told Grace I didn't think we were going to make it home with him, and we started telling him that he could go, and we would be okay, and he had been such a good dog. I could feel his little breaths on my arm until they stopped, and I told Grace, "he's gone."

Our angel.

Grace was amazing during this. She drove safely and steadily to get us home. After Casper passed, we still had about 2 hours left to LA. We just drove on, and I held him the whole time. We talked and said all that we were thankful for. We prayed for his life and his spirit. Even then, we felt peace washing over us, knowing that he was no longer in pain. While we were in the car we called our families and some of the people who knew him, breaking down each time, but knowing that this was only so hard because Casper is SO loved. Once we got back to LA, we drove straight to our vet, and they knew what to do and made it easy for us. Then we had to drive home without our dog and start mourning and celebrating his life.

The rest of that day was pretty surreal. I kept getting happy birthday texts from people who hadn't heard the news, which was so sweet but also so emotionally confusing. We had asked our families and a couple of friends to begin spreading the news, but we decided that we were going to share via social media to cut down on the lag time and hopefully avoid having to say the words out loud any more that day. We both used photos from the sunset pictures I had taken the night before, and we held hands and pressed send at the same time. A little while after that, the vet called us to talk about what might have been going on with Casper's health. Based on how everything happened, it's likely that he had some kind of cancer in his organs that caused something to rupture, like his spleen. The details aren't super important to us. While we're shocked that he's no longer with us, we know that grasping for answers about his death won't change anything. We are choosing to focus on his life.

The love we have felt from our families, friends, and even strangers in the days that followed is impossible to put into words. We've had friends show up unannounced on our doorstep for hugs, knowing we'd probably say no if they asked, but knowing we needed it. We have more food than we can eat. We are putting flowers in blender cups and cocktail shakers because we ran out of vases. We even had a friend offer us an already-paid-for vacation to Yosemite. We have been absolutely covered in love and support, and what means the most is that Casper generated that love. Seeing it in physical form has been so sweet. He multiplied the love in our lives exponentially, and we will be forever grateful. 

One thing that has been really helpful is hearing from people that have been through this type of loss before. Grace talked to her amazing grandparents, who have been married for 72 years (!!) and have had dogs for the vast majority of that time. We also got some great advice from Grace's cousin Mary, who went through a devastating loss of her dog of many years. She really emphasized that we should mourn him properly, and we have been focusing on doing just that.

On Sunday morning, our first morning waking up without him, we drove to our favorite beach in Malibu. Grace's dad (who is an Episcopal priest) wrote us a beautiful prayer for Casper that we read out loud on the beach, along with some readings he sent about loss and animals. We wrote Casper's name in the sand, with a backwards "E" because that's how Grace always wrote cards when she signed them from Casper to me.

We had a gathering of friends later that day, and we laid out photos of Casper, his favorite toys, a can of salmon and some string cheese (his favorite foods), his leash and collar, etc. We were surrounded by people all afternoon, and it really lifted our spirits. People told stories--some that I had never even heard--and brought their own photos, some that I'd never even seen. The fridge was overflowing with food that people brought us. I cried on a lot of people (literally) that day. It was such a true picture of community. Grace said a few words that I want to summarize here: because so many of our friends in LA have moved here from somewhere else, we're all each other's family out here. And Casper was the family dog. 

I took this screenshot from Grace's Instagram story, hence the writing on the photo. The portrait was my graduation present from Berkeley last year; Grace commissioned it and surprised me with it. We feel even luckier to have it now.

We are grateful for a lot of things, more than I can capture here. One of the biggest ones is that Casper was with us when he died. He didn't like going to the vet. He loved road trips. That he passed away while we were in the car, surrounded by mountains, not in traffic, is beautiful. He was surrounded by love until the very end. I can't even think about this happening on a weekday while we'd been at work and he was alone. What a beautiful gift. He left us in the car, but he will always be in the car with us. On every trip. On the road to Alaska. He will never miss a single one.

And while I think a lot of people see it as especially tragic that this happened on my birthday, I honestly don't think of it that way. June 17th tends to be beautiful, no matter where in the world I've spent it. I've always been blessed with a warm, late spring/early summer, blue-sky birthday. And I'm so glad Casper got to feel and see that on his last day on earth. I love Casper so much, and for my birthday this year, I got to see him and kiss his snout one last time. I'm thankful.

It's also not lost on us how lucky we are to have each other. I have never felt closer to Grace than in these past few days. I feel like we are two peas in the same pod of mourning, and our thoughts and words flow effortlessly between us almost telepathically. We will look at each other and just know what the other is thinking, finishing each other's sentences about memories of our sweet boy. We have been on the exact same page on every decision we've had to make and every step we've taken. We aren't taking any of that for granted.

Another thing we are so grateful for is that we still feel Casper with us all the time. We know he's resting easy and sleeping in SO late. We still feel his presence in big, powerful ways that are almost hard to believe. It gives us so much joy, confidence, and purpose to know that he's watching over us and right beside us.

I have a pretty unbelievable (but true) story to illustrate this. Starting on Saturday night, one of the few things that has brought us comfort is watching old episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race. Whether you're a fan of this particular show or not, I have a feeling that a lot of people can relate to the experience of re-watching "comfort food" TV when you're down. We used to always watch the show with Casper on the couch beside us, so it's special in that sense as well. It's such a positive, uplifting show, and we already knew the winners of each season, so it was really nice to watch something with no surprises and no sad moments. 

Well, on Sunday night, our first full day without Casper, we went out to run some errands, one of our first times leaving the house. As we drove back to Grace's, with the sun setting, we saw none other than RUPAUL CHARLES IN THE FLESH parked just up the street from Grace's house!!! He was sitting in his car, just looking serenely straight ahead like he was waiting for someone. He had tinted windows, but his driver's side window was rolled down, so we could see him clearly. We are huge fans and would have always been thrilled to catch a glimpse of him around the neighborhood (Grace and I both live in West Hollywood, so it's not the strangest place to see an LGBT icon). But for it to happen on our first full day without Casper, at a time when we're watching 10 episodes a day to comfort ourselves, was truly divine. We instantly knew that Casper had sent him to us; that Casper had seen how sad we were and knew how much it would cheer us up to see RuPaul. We drove by twice just to make sure it was really him, and it was. We could not believe it. We felt waves of peace crashing over us, knowing with so much certainty that Casper was in heaven, looking at us and smiling his little grin, feeling very pleased with himself for pulling off such a big surprise.

A question that naturally comes up is: what will become of "Have Dog, Will Drive"? I started this blog just weeks ago with the intention of sharing my travels with Grace and Casper. But just because his earthly presence has left us doesn't mean that he won't be with us on our road trips and adventures. I promise not to turn this into a blog of ghost dog sightings. But I will keep writing. And I want to still share what we learned about having a dog like Casper in the hopes that it can help someone else adopt a pet like him. 

Finally, a HUGE thank you to all of the people who have supported us near and far. We will still be leaning on you going forward, and we can't thank you enough. We love you, and Casper loved you. He loved unconditionally and indiscriminately. Elderly people and babies, friends and strangers, people we met who were living on the street or in abandoned buildings, neighbors whose names we never knew but who knew Casper's name and would call to him from across the street with a huge smile on their face. We are going to try our best to love like he did going forward. He makes us so proud, even still.

Rainbow Themed Picnic + West Hollywood Pride

This past weekend was Pride in West Hollywood, and it also happened to be the last weekend I'd be in town for a while near my birthday. I decided to celebrate both by hosting a kick-off picnic for Pride weekend that doubled as a birthday get-together with a few close friends.

Though this is more of a Have Dog, Won't Drive post since we had the picnic right in my backyard, I wanted to share a few photos from this event since it was most definitely in the spirit of spending more time outdoors!

My favorite thing about my apartment is that it has its own tiny patio/backyard that's fenced in. I've hosted a lot of cocktail parties and dinners back here, so I wanted to intentionally make this event feel different and not just a repeat of what I've done in the past. Through brainstorming, I came up with the idea for a picnic--with a theme of summertime, rainbows and sunshine, fresh fruit, and a laid-back California feel. 

I already had some outdoor furniture, but to make it feel more like a true picnic, I bought some additional oversized floor pillows and floor seating on sale at World Market. I put down a large blanket that covered the majority of the backyard, with pillows and poufs tossed around in a rough circle. Then I created a high and low scattering of different types of food: some dishes on tables and stands, some on trays a couple of feet off the ground, and some directly on the picnic blanket, with colorful dish towels underneath. I wanted people to feel like they could sit anywhere they were comfortable and have a few different snacks at their fingertips, rather than putting all of the food in one corner and having people congregate around that. I did set up the bar (pictured in the first photo in this post) in one spot, so people could get up and easily get a drink whenever. At the bar, I served rainbow sangria, beer, white wine and rosé, and a few different types of liquor with a rainbow-variety of La Croix and some sodas and limeade as mixers. 

The most fun part about planning this picnic was deciding all of the colorful and rainbow food to make. I think everyone's favorite was the rainbow veggie flatbread, pictured below, with multicolor rows of tomato, orange and yellow bell peppers, broccoli, purple cabbage, and red (lavender in color) onion.

In addition to the flatbreads, I made (with the sweet help of Grace and our friend Tina) caprese skewers, homemade guacamole with blue corn chips, a huge platter of fresh fruit in rainbow stripes, and fruit "jello shots."

The jello shots were another favorite with everyone--I made jello with a little vodka in it inside watermelon rinds and lemon rinds. I let them set in the fridge overnight and then cut them into wedges! I couldn't get over how cute they turned out.

You can find the recipe for the watermelon jello shots here and the lemon drop jello shots here. The recipes call for regular jello, but you can also use arrowroot or vegan gelatin! I thought this would be one of those "Pinterest fails" because it seemed difficult to make, but I promise, it was SO easy! All it takes is a little advance planning since you will need to make these at least a day before your picnic or party. Also, I am happy to report that the watermelon slice jello did not melt in the sun as I was worried it would. The lemons did get a little melty, but they were everyone's favorite so they got eaten before that was much of a problem!

Last but not least, I also had a candy buffet set up with cellophane bags and twisty ties so that people could take bags of rainbow candy home with them! All of my favorite candies are gummies and fruit candies, and they also happen to be the most colorful. I had an assortment of Swedish Fish, Skittles, Jelly Bellies, Gummy Bears, Neon Gummy Worms, Ring Pops, and Peanut M&Ms (my one exception to the fruit and gummy rule, haha!)

Grace making everyone laugh but pretending to be serious, as usual.

Overall I'm so happy with how the picnic turned out. It was the perfect lead-in to the Pride march the next day (we also spent some time making signs and posters to carry at the march, which everyone had fun and got creative with). For some reason it hadn't started feeling like summer yet to me, so hosting a very summery picnic really helped me get into the season. I might have to make this a yearly tradition going forward!

My brother enjoying his new jewelry

Since the theme was rainbow, unicorns were sure to be close by.

My silly & wonderful friends

Thankful for this beautiful day under a bright blue West Hollywood sky!

How to Make Your Camping Experience a Little More "Martha Stewart"

The title of this post might sound a little ridiculous, but bear with me. I was raised on Martha Stewart--my mom had (and still has) a subscription to Martha Stewart Living magazine that I would always get to read after she was done, and many of our family staple recipes were Martha classics. I see Martha as the original Pinterest. Love her. As I've gotten older, I've also come to love Ina Garten and The Pioneer Woman (Ree Drummond). 9 times out of 10 when I need a recipe or craft idea, I get it from one of those three women's websites or books. And while I don't really think of these ladies as big campers, a lot of my inspiration, aesthetic, and recipes for camping trips comes from them.

One of my biggest goals behind Have Dog, Will Drive is to inspire others that camping can be beautiful, tasteful, and even have a touch of luxury. Whether consciously or not, whenever I'm planning a menu for an upcoming camping trip or deciding on what to pack, I'm thinking, "What Would Martha Do"? Today, I want to share with you a few of my recommendations to make your next camping trip just a little more Martha.

When packing supplies, focus on things that you won't end up throwing away.

This is one of my top tips in making your camping trip feel more like something that the Barefoot Contessa would effortlessly throw together after a walk in the woods with Jeffrey (if this doesn't conjure up an image for you, I recommend spending more time watching the Food Network). It also has the added benefit of being much more environmentally friendly! Of course, we almost always end up having to throw away some things--food packaging or wet wipes or whatever--but not using disposable plates and napkins changes the whole feel of your camping meal experience. We use GSI Outdoors Baked Enamelware plates, mugs, and forks. They are inexpensive and super sturdy. Grab some cheap cloth napkins from Target, and you're set! We just throw our cloth napkins in with the rest of our dirty clothes from camping and wash them when we get home. Below is a photo of our basic table setup when we go camping.

Most campgrounds have dishwashing stations, or otherwise we'll bring an extra gallon of water and some biodegradable camp dish soap to rinse everything off at our site.

Next: there is no rule that you have to subsist on burgers or hot dogs when you go camping.

If that's your thing, that's great! But if you're bringing a cooler, there is no reason why you can't have much more variety in what you eat when you go camping. Recently, I've made delicious veggie tacos, made-from-scratch calzones, steamed fresh mussels, and we usually drink champagne! Why not?! If you know how to build a fire and prep food in advance, there's no reason to live on trail mix or prepackaged foods. A good cooler can just as easily hold fresh seafood as it can freezer-burned veggie burgers. I talked about this a bit in my Big Bear recap post, and I'm planning on doing a whole camping food post soon, but we like to eat really well when we camp. And it's a misconception that it's difficult!

Prepping a caprese pasta salad in advance for a recent camping trip

If you can, bring more than just the essentials--camping can be beautiful!

When we car camp, I usually bring tea light candles, battery operated string lights for our tent, and even a sturdy vase for picking wildflowers at our site. If you're backpacking, this would obviously be much more difficult, but if you're just unloading stuff from your car to your site, it makes a huge difference. A couple of years ago, we bought some twinkle lights that are battery operated and meant for camping, and it's so cute to string them in our tent. And a candlelit dinner is never more special or romantic than when it's out in the wilderness. I do not recommend tall candlesticks, especially in wildfire-prone California! But tea lights or short candles inside a hurricane vase are safe and add a lot to the ambiance, as you can see in the first photo in this post. 

I also will often bring sturdy bowls and serving dishes from home, wrapped in dish towels in a canvas bag so they don't break. This makes a spread of appetizers so much more beautiful!

It's a little bit hard to see here, but this is our tent with twinkle lights set up inside at dusk :)

My final tip is to not forego your creature comforts when camping.

This is a big one that I think people forget. When Grace and I camp, we want to come home feeling rested and rejuvenated, not cranky and craving a coffee and a shower. Because of that, we've always made it a huge priority to have a comfortable sleeping setup when camping. We use the REI Co-op Camp Bed 3.5 inch inflatable mats (previously, we were borrowing something similar from my sweet godparents who let us use their stuff for years). These beds are 3.5 inches thick when inflated, which is actually a lot and makes a HUGE difference compared with sleeping on the ground or just using a thin foam mat. We usually push two of them together and cover them with queen-size flannel camping sheets, a woven blanket, and a quilt over top of everything. When it's cold and we're camping in Alaska, we are going to be using an amazing queen-size sleeping bag that Grace's mom gave us. Below are some photos of our setup:

This is our camp bed setup in an unfurnished treehouse we recently rented. I promise Casper is enjoying it, even though it looks like he's scowling!

The setup on our California camping roadtrip in 2015

Also in the category of comforts, if having a glass of wine in the evening or a cup of freshly brewed coffee in the morning is important to you, make sure you have it when you camp! I'm not a coffee drinker, but Grace most definitely is. We always make sure to get some coffee brewing in the morning for her (Contact me if you're curious and I'd be happy to share our method of making coffee using a fire; I won't include it here for the sake of brevity).

Making coffee one early morning in Big Sur

What I love about Martha Stewart is that her recipes and tips are not necessarily about extravagant luxury, as that doesn't really play well with Mother Nature. Instead, what I take from my years of reading everything Martha has to offer is that when possible, it makes all the difference to plan things out and make them a bit more intentional and refined. That's what I try to contribute to our camping trips, and I think it's a big part of why we love camping so much. I have eaten some of my best meals and slept some of my best sleeps while camping. It does take a bit more work, but having a lovely, special, and most importantly comfortable camping trip is more than possible. This is one of my favorite things to talk about, silly as it may sound, so please feel free to comment or get in touch if you are interested in more tips!

Happy camping!

June + Summer Goals

Rabbit Rabbit! Sweet June, my favorite month of the year, has arrived. Goal setting is one of the things I am most passionate about in this life. I set yearly goals/guideposts, monthly goals, and I also have a 2.75 year list of goals (something called 101 in 1001--it's 101 goals you try to complete in 1001 days, roughly 2.75 years. I plan on sharing my whole list, started in fall 2015, soon!). 

All of that to say, I like to set big and small goals, with long and short timelines to complete them. My monthly goals tend to be more bite-sized action items aimed to further my more overarching yearly goals or 101 in 1001 goals. Something I haven't done before is set seasonal goals, which I guess is because I felt a little overexposed when it comes to setting goals. But for summer 2017, I'm going for it.

Why? Because this summer marks the last time for me that a lot of things will feel constant, and after the summer, there will be a lot of change. I'm switching jobs, I'm taking the biggest and wildest trip of my life, and just generally in my mind things will feel different after September. There is a lot I want to get done, take advantage of, and not let pass me by. So I know these aren't the actual precise dates of summer, but I'm setting my goals below for June 1 (today) - September 1 (the last day of my current job). On September 2, Grace and I leave for a 7000+ mile road trip North and across 2 countries and 12 states/provinces. There's a LOT happening, but I know the goals I'm setting will help me feel ready for it!

Summer 2017 Goals

• Take a day trip somewhere we've never been before
• Finally finish a personal writing project I've been working on for the last 2 years
• Reincorporate exercise into my life on a consistent basis
• Take at least one weekend getaway sometime in July or August
• Blog here on Have Dog, Will Drive at least once a week
• Meet all of my pre-Alaska financial goals I set earlier in the year
• Get together with Grace's and my close friends in a fun way before we leave town for a few weeks in September
• Meet all of my work goals and leave my replacement in a great position to start

And my June goals, below, are a combination of action items to meet my summer goals and other things that I know need to happen this month.

June 2017 Goals

• Journal about and intentionally work on becoming a better listener
• Exercise three days a week and put it on my calendar
• Switch over to my own health insurance (hello, 26th birthday)
• Celebrate my 26th birthday
• Take care of some Casper to-do list items, such as scheduling his vet visit for before we leave for Alaska, making an appointment to have some of his teeth removed (he's an old boy and has some dead teeth), researching food options for the road trip since Canada has some rules about what pet food you can bring into the country, and getting him a new warm coat that actually fits

I am planning on writing a goals post on the 1st of every month, so in July, you can look for my new monthly goals as well as a recap of how I did in June. If you set June goals or 2017 goals, I'd love to hear about them!