Well, hi there! I took 6 months off from my blog.
And here I am, back to clear the cobwebs. I know I don’t owe any excuses for not posting for 6 months, and I’m not going to make any - this has always been my space to use how I want, and I love that. This blog is TRULY just-for-fun, I’ve never made a cent off of it, and I don’t stress over the content. That being said, I’ve missed it!
In the first couple of months of the pandemic, I tried to keep up with my regular posts, but . . . nothing felt regular or normal. I ended up basically taking the summer and first part of the fall off from Have Dog, Will Drive. That wasn’t planned, but the longer I went, the more it felt right. I focused on work, and other projects - one of which is launching TOMORROW (October 19) - and taking care of an increasingly senior dog.
(By the way, the photos in this post are just some random ones from my camera roll to catch up on the last few months. They don’t go with the text. Or, they do, but in a non-literal way).
There have been a lot of happy things over these few months. I’m a homebody, and that side of my personality flourished. I celebrated 2 years of marriage to Grace. I cooked some of the best meals I’ve ever made in my life. I got to stand beside one of my oldest friends as she got married (something that felt impossible at the beginning of the pandemic, but ended up being beautiful - and we didn’t get Covid).
I swam in the ocean this summer and got strong enough to run 5 miles and made myself proud a lot of times.
The hard things . . . don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of those things in the last few months! I cried on the phone to my parents in March saying, “I feel like life as I know it is over.” And I was kind of being dramatic in the moment, but I ended up being right. I took a minute to accept that. We’ve been SO lucky to not lose anyone to Covid, but we do know people who have been sick with it and really struggled. I spend a lot of time stressing about whether we’re “taking it seriously enough,” or when it’s okay to take small risks. I feel like we’re more stringent about distancing and masks and stuff than the majority of people we know, and yet I still stress over whether people are judging me for not taking it seriously enough. I think that’s just life right now.
And like I mentioned above, a (very slow-moving) curveball for us has been how much our dog Willie’s health has deteriorated, and yet how much he still seems to love being alive. I never thought I would change so many diapers before even having kids. And yet, Willie has been in diapers now for about a year. His very specialized senior care takes many hours a week and we’ve been at the vet with him a lot lately. But we feel strongly that he’ll let us know when it’s “his time,” and he hasn’t done that yet. He gets excited for his meals and seems to still know who we are . . . so we’re in this for the long haul with him. The amount of time we spend on Willie care is also a big reason why I haven’t had much time for blogging lately. But I’m getting more into a routine and I’m excited to try to make it all work.
In the last six months, I’ve often felt like I’m in a tunnel. I’m not sure exactly where it ends, but I know I’m moving forward. The truth is that I do REALLY miss things like having a bunch of friends over for Pride or our annual Halloween movie night. I’m sad we won’t be seeing family for any holidays this year. But I’ve started to feel like it’s possible again for me to write on this blog - make our family whiteboard calendar for the month - make a big batch of broth for my recipes - send my friends birthday cards - and take stock of all the things I have to look forward to.
One of the best things about 2020 is that it’s removed a lot of distractions. I feel more centered in what I really want out of life than ever. And I’m more easily able to evaluate whether I’ve used my days well to move toward the life I’m trying to build. Life feels stripped down right now, and it feels really meaningful to think about how I want to build it back up.
And that kind of sums up the world of contradictions I find myself in. Like - I love our house more than ever, because it’s been such a sweet shelter during the pandemic. AND, because of spending so much time here, I also have a much better idea of what I want in my future “dream house.” I’m more oriented toward gratitude than I have been in the past, and I also can’t help but think every day of the things we’ve lost this year. I’m an introvert, and I miss crowds. All of it can be true.
So here’s to firing up the ole blog again. I’ve missed you, Have Dog, Will Drive! And if you’re here, thank you so much.
xoxo