HDWD Survey Results

Thank you SO much to everyone who took my Have Dog, Will Drive survey! My dream when starting this blog was that I would be able to engage with people and not just write into a vacuum. It was so fun to see where people are reading from, their favorite types of posts, and ideas/requests for new content! That was the most eye-opening part--I got responses of ideas for posts that were really inspiring and that I wouldn't have thought to write myself.

Just a pic of a small little bean in his big brother's bed

In case it's interesting to anyone else, I thought I would share some of the survey results here! They were overall a really big mix. For example, there wasn't one primary place people are reading from, which I thought was so cool. I got a decent amount of answers from the South and California, but there were also a ton from Europe, the UK, Canada, New England, and the Midwest. 

In terms of the types of post people most enjoy seeing, these were consistently the three categories people picked most:

• Getaways
• How-To's
• Personal

I would say that's pretty representative of my blog content, so that's good! But at the same time, I don't want to stay stagnant here, which is why I LOVED getting so many ideas for new posts. Here's a few that people suggested:

• More dog/road trip content (stick to my roots, got it)
• More thoughts and feelings on life (not sure if you REALLY want that, but I'll give it a shot, haha!)
• A day in the life post (love this idea, will do soon)
• More cooking/recipe posts (though some people also said they don't like that type of post, so I'll try to strike a balance)
• LGBT content
• Wedding planning (new post coming soon)
• Decorating and hosting tips
• What it takes to get a blog started (I'm still learning, but would gladly share what's worked for me!)
• Quick getaways in Southern California
• Organization posts
• Long distance relationships (both family and romantic--I think this is a great idea because I have TONS of experience on both fronts)
• Life in LA
• How faith life intersects with the things I write about
• General lifestyle posts
• Pros and cons of traveling with a dog and how to decide whether or not to bring them
• Tips and budgeting for trips
• A travel post from Willie and/or Bean's perspective (such a cute idea!)

I think these are all such great suggestions and I'm feeling super motivated to get to work on them! My ultimate goal with this blog is to make it helpful and interesting for people, so even though the survey is done, you can ALWAYS contact me with specific questions about road trips or life. You can also feel free to comment with requests for new posts! One of the most challenging parts about blogging is coming up with content that people actually want to read, so I could use all the help I can get and really appreciate getting insight from people. Again, thank you for taking the survey if you did, and you can expect posts in many of the above categories over the next few months!

Some January roses I spotted on a walk in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago :)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year from Have Dog, Will Drive! I hope you had a safe and meaningful NYE last night (if you're reading this on January 1) and a great start to 2018!

Yesterday, Grace and I went to our favorite beach in Malibu to watch the last sunset of 2017, and then we went over to some friends' house to ring in the new year. It was also our first time taking Bean to the beach! He LOVED it and it was so much fun seeing the beach and ocean through a puppy's eyes.

I want to share a few photos from last night and also some thoughts on 2018 goals generally.  I'll probably write a January goals post in the next few days, but for now I'm still working through them.

Bean's first time touching the ocean! So funny

Rather than strict goals for 2018, I'm setting guideposts and then making those overarching ideas happen through monthly, daily, and weekly goals. Some of my "guideposts" for 2018 are:

• Dream and pray about big, "impossible" ideas
• Celebrate each quarter (4 times a year do something really special to celebrate what I've accomplished in that period)
• Marry Grace in a way that points to what matters most
• Take better care of myself physically, using small steps to start
• Get back to careful budgeting and financial stewardship (I used to be really good about this but have gotten lazy!)

And, a big area of goal setting and achieving for me is in growing this blog! Having only been blogging for 8 months, I'm really inspired and encouraged by the process and I've learned so much. I also have been LOVING reading the responses I've gotten to my Reader Survey! (You can still take it if you haven't already). Thank you so much if you've already taken it. My next post is going to share some of the results I've gotten, which are really interesting and insightful. I can't wait to make 2018 HDWD's best year yet :)

I'd love to hear about your 2018 goals, guideposts, or dreams! And now, back to pictures of doggos and sunsets:

Wishing you a sweet new year with the people and animals you love!

Have Dog, Will Drive: Year In Review + READER SURVEY!

2017 has looked so different than I expected. When 2016 turned into 2017, I was just dating Grace, we had a dog named Casper, I lived in a little studio apartment in West Hollywood, I worked for the federal government, and I was not anywhere close to writing a blog about my life. 

Now, as I'm reflecting on all the year held, I'm realizing just how much changed. I am engaged to Grace, with only 7 months until our wedding. We held Casper as he passed away in our arms this summer, and we have since adopted two more dogs, Willie and Bean. I moved out of my apartment and Grace and I started living together for the first time--we live in the cutest little two bedroom house (planning to share lots more about our house in 2018), and I moved into private practice with my job. And, I started Have Dog, Will Drive in May! A year ago, I honestly was not thinking about starting a blog AT ALL. The idea kind of popped into my head this Spring and within a week, I'd bought the domain name and was up and running. Grace gave me some really good advice, and I shared it with the world a little while later. It has become my favorite hobby and something I get so much joy out of. I've received messages and comments from people I never would have met otherwise, and I LOVE connecting with people who are interested in the type of stuff I write about. It's just so cool :) By the way, if you've never introduced yourself, feel free to Contact me! I seriously would love it.

Although I firmly believe that there is nothing magical about January 1, at the same time I love commemorating occasions and reflecting on what's good, and what can change. So in that spirit, I wanted to share some stats about Have Dog, Will Drive in its first year and favorite memories. Finally, at the end of this post, you'll find a link to a survey about what you'd like to see more of on Have Dog, Will Drive. I'd be so grateful if you'd fill it out! 

2017 was a really sweet first year for Have Dog, Will Drive

It reached over 11,000 page views

People from every state in the US were reading

Readers tuned in from every continent except Antarctica

• Some of the countries with the biggest readership outside of the US were: 
  • Canada
  • United Kingdom
  • Ireland
  • Germany
  • Australia
  • New Zealand
  • Finland

Most Popular Post: The Life of Casper (runners up: Planning the Drive from California to Alaska and Back; Meet Grace)

Longest-Running Series (Category): It's a tie between Getaways and LA to Alaska Road Trip

Most Fun Post for Me to Write and Document: Probably The Making of Red Rover but also, it's hard to beat Engaged in Alaska!

This has been the best journey and I can't wait for all that is to come! It is so encouraging and exciting to think about how much has changed from a year ago--and how much I could be surprised by the time the next year rolls around.

Lastly, I would so appreciate if you would fill out this short six-question survey. I hope to make Have Dog, Will Drive even better in 2018, and your help and input makes that possible!

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE SURVEY

The Making of Red Rover

I can't put into words how excited I am that Grace's new song and video has now been shared with the world! She released it yesterday after having kept it mostly "secret" for months. Red Rover is the name of the song, and it will be part of an E.P. coming soon! If you haven't seen the music video yet, watch it below:

You might notice a familiar face in the video . . . it's true, Grace convinced me to play a role in the video and to be honest it was so much fun. I was very hesitant initially but what made it so comfortable and easy was that literally every person involved in this song and video--from recording the song, to storyboarding the music video, to filming, to editing, to hair and makeup--is one of our dear friends. Grace and I are lucky to have such talented and generous friends here in LA, and working with them on this music video was a dream! Here is a rundown of the people involved in this project:

Original song written and performed by Grace Baldridge

Music recorded at our friends Jack and Zack's studio, Big Bad Sound

Video directed by Irina Nichita 

Produced by Amir Nikoui (he is also the executive producer for Grace's shows on TYT!)

Filmed and Edited by Mary Ignatova 

Hair and Makeup (and general cheerleader on set) by Tina Tozzi

 and finally, Craft Services and "Acting" by yours truly.

About to start filming in downtown West Hollywood

If you're like me, you know nothing about producing any kind of professional-level video, but thankfully these people are in the business and pulled it off seamlessly. I am still in awe of what they were able to create, and I thought it would be fun to share a little behind-the-scenes today! Also, we did take a road trip with Willie while filming, so this was a very on-brand music video shoot for Have Dog, Will Drive.

Believe it or not, this entire video was shot in two (very long) days. Because our "crew" was only 6 people including Grace and me, it was all hands on deck at all times! We all helped with things like setting up lighting and arranging props. Fun fact, I found myself in the middle of the desert digging a hole for a fire pit at one point:

But backing up, here's how the weekend went:

On Saturday morning, the crew showed up at my apartment to film the bedroom scene as well as the final scene where I close the spell book. Seeing lighting equipment, huge cameras, and monitors in my apartment was pretty wild! Irina talked to Tina about what kind of "look" she wanted for this scene, and Tina did Grace's and my hair and makeup based on that.

We used a metal C-stand to create the look of a sheet-fort over the bed. While filming this scene, Amir was about 2 feet away from us holding a fan to create some movement, haha! We were all in very close quarters. Also, the weekend we shot the video was the hottest of the whole summer--about 100 degrees. We were totally wiped out by the end of it from the heat, and staying hydrated was a big priority throughout the shoots.

Next we shot the scene where I throw the roses at Grace. Willie was nearby the whole time acting very mischievous and distracting us! A fun fact from this scene was that we only had one bouquet of roses and I threw them about 10 times until we got the perfect shot. I guess we could have gone and bought more roses, but we were working on kind of a tight schedule. So each time after I threw the roses, we would carefully collect them from the ground, pick out any crushed petals, and reassemble the bouquet so that I could throw it again.

After that, we headed to downtown West Hollywood to film the scene with the teddy bear. We wanted to wait until dusk, so we killed some time by all getting frozen yogurt at Yogurt Stop--if you haven't been, it's an amazing gay-themed fro-yo place in West Hollywood. 

Tina and me goofing around in front of the rainbow wall at Yogurt Stop

Filming the scene where Grace gives me the teddy bear was probably the time where I had to "act" the most, because it had to look like I was actually surprised by the bear but also laughing at how cheesy it was. In the end, almost none of that made it into the video, but it was a fun/interesting exercise. Also, Mary came prepared with about 5 different bears in case we needed to swap them out (particularly when we burned them later in the desert fire), which she referred to as "doppelbears."

The next day, Sunday, was desert day! First we went to Tina's house to get our hair and makeup done. We then drove out to the Lucerne Valley Desert, about 2 hours Northeast of LA, to shoot the desert scenes. Grace and I listened to Red Rover in the car on the way there to get into the right "vibe" for the shoot :)

En route to the filming location

Our base camp for the desert shoot

We were out in the desert for several hours, and it was HOT. The only time I was in a scene was right at sunset, so leading up to that I was in charge of keeping everyone fed and hydrated (which I lovingly called my Craft Services job). I also was the celebrity dog handler, keeping Willie and Mia (Amir and Irina's adorable Frenchie) safe in the shade and drinking plenty of water.

My Craft Services lunch spread for our crew

Willie and Mia keeping cool in the shade under the trailer

As the sun started to sink lower, we worked on the more "dramatic" desert scenes. We had to dig a pit for the fire ring and collect rocks to set it up. We really did burn all of the objects (rest in peace teddy bear), which made me really nervous because I didn't want to start a wildfire! Just to clarify, we made the fire in an area where we were allowed to do so, and other than it being hot, there weren't any conditions that would make it unsafe to have a fire. We weren't irresponsible about it. But that said, it was still a little nerve-wrecking to be burning all of the items from the video. Especially because we only got one take for each! 

When it came time for my scene in the white dress, we only had about 5 minutes of sunset to work with. Amir was using a leaf blower to create the effect of wind. And with every step I was wincing in pain because I was stepping on thorny sand spurs! Ouch. I think I complained to Grace about it the whole drive home. Ultimately, I don't think those things showed through in the video, so it all turned out fine. Also, for anyone who's curious, Amir created the effect where I disappear by putting a pink scarf over the end of the leaf blower and then letting go so that the scarf flew in front of the camera. Mary then edited the video so that I wasn't standing there anymore once the scarf flew by.

Here are some more behind-the-scenes glimpses:

Grace with our glamorous director, Irina

Grace freestyling in between takes

Touching up hair and makeup before filming my scene

Some more trivia and stories from filming:

I purchased both the nightgown from the bedroom scene and the white dress from the desert scene the day before shooting. The nightgown was $4.99 at Goodwill, and the white dress was also inexpensive, from Forever 21. I tried on a few long white dresses in the store and texted photos to Tina, Grace, and Irina, and they unanimously agreed on the one I ended up wearing. All of the other clothes I wore in the video were things I already had. You'll notice that I exclusively wear white or light colors in the video, while Grace wears black. That's a pretty good representation of our real-life wardrobes, too, so it wasn't hard!

The spellbook is actually a personal family heirloom of mine. You might notice in the video that the title of the book is "Mrs. Beeton's Savouries and Hors D'Oeuvres." Beeton isn't my last name, but one side of my family is the Beeton Family, and my family on both sides is from England through and through. "Mrs. Beeton's" was a series of English books on household management and cooking, and most of the women in my family have a copy of these now out-of-print books. My godmother gave me my copy. Grace and the crew thought it had the perfect "look" of a spellbook, because it's authentically very old and well-loved. If any of my family is reading this, don't worry--we took great care of the book during filming!

On the drive home from the desert, Grace and I were craving ice cream or milkshakes and said out loud how perfect it would be if we passed a Sonic. I have never seen a Sonic in California (I know they exist but they aren't common where we live). Well lo and behold, about 30 minutes into our drive we passed a Sonic and started screaming and pulled over. However when we drove up to where you order, there was a huge sign saying they were out of ice cream and milkshakes! It was a cruel twist of fate. (If you're worried, we ended up stopping somewhere else for shakes about 15 minutes later, haha!)

Ever since we wrapped filming, I have been so excited to see what Mary would create through the process of editing all of the raw footage from the weekend. I couldn't be happier with the result. I'm so proud of Grace and of our friends. Keep an eye out for the full E.P. soon!

Amateur Photography for Camping and Life

Let me start by saying that I am the farthest thing from a professional photographer. A couple of years ago I didn't even really know the difference between shooting in manual and using automatic settings. I don't have super fancy photography equipment, and I have no formal training. BUT, I love to take photographs! I don't aspire to have it be anything more than a hobby, but I am passionate about taking good photos of our adventures and, perhaps most importantly, actually printing those photos so they don't just live on my phone or computer.

I have recently gotten some really sweet and touching messages about my photos as well as questions about what camera I use, etc. Today I want to share a little bit about my journey to going from an occasional iPhone photographer to using a "real" camera and exclusively shooting in manual. 

In summer 2015 Grace and I were preparing for our first big road trip: a weeklong journey North-to-South across California. I wrote about it in this post. It was during that time that I felt inspired to invest in a DSLR camera and no longer rely on phone photos only. I knew we'd be seeing some of the most gorgeous landscapes in the state, and I wanted to create a big book of photos and memories from the trip (I did, and it's one of my most cherished possessions). That summer I saved up and bought a Canon Rebel. Real photographers might be rolling their eyes because I know this is nothing fancy, but at several hundred dollars, it was still a big investment for me and a BIG improvement from iPhone photos. And guess what? Two years later, I still use that camera all the time. It's what I'll be taking with me on our Alaska trip. I might invest in a more powerful camera down the line, but it has been an amazing starter and learner camera for me. If you're curious, here's a link to something similar (the one I bought in 2015 is no longer the current model). 

A photo I took this past spring of my best friend, Anna, on a foggy morning in Malibu

Once I bought my camera, though, it quickly became apparent that I had no idea how to effectively use it. I follow a few photographers' blogs and had always read that beginners should start shooting in manual right away. Using the automatic settings really makes your DSLR more like a point-and-shoot digital camera. And the photos I took using automatic just didn't have that dreamy, light-filled quality that I loved seeing in the work of photographers I admired. That said, I had never heard of ISO, aperture, didn't know how to meter light, or any of that. Around that time (just prior to our 2015 California road trip), I decided to take an online course for shooting in manual on a DSLR. Let me tell you, that was the BEST investment. It totally changed my relationship with photography! I used a course offered through one of my favorite blogs, A Beautiful Mess. I'll link the actual course itself here. I went through each lesson and did the assigned homework over a few weeks, but you can do it at any pace you want. I suddenly knew how to adjust my depth of focus, where to set my shutter speed, how to find the best light, how to take portraits, and more. Total game changer.

My favorite sunset of all time at Pismo Beach, California, in August 2015

Ever since then, I haven't taken any more classes or formal training, but I have been practicing constantly. 99% of the photos on this blog are ones that I have shot in manual with my DSLR (there are a few iPhone photos thrown in too), and I always bring my camera on road trips or weekends out and about. I've heard a saying from a few photographers that I totally agree with: the best camera you have is the one on you. I know so many people who have nice cameras and never use them because they think it will be bulky or they just forget. So training myself to bring my camera with me all the time has been a big part of getting beautiful photos from my vacations and day-to-day life! 

My cutie baby brother up in the clouds on a mountaintop

Over time, things like ISO, shutter speed, and f-stops have become second nature. I've also developed my own shooting style. I really like crisp, clear, light-filled photography. No crazy effects or angles for me. I have friends who are photographers and who underexpose photos or take them in low light, and they look awesome. It's just not my style. If anything, I tend to intentionally overexpose photos in many situations. It's been good to learn what I like my photos to look like and not to emulate the work of others (though of course, we're always inspired by others all the time and that translates to creative pursuits in a good way). 

I'm not a purist when it comes to taking photos. Some of my all-time favorite photos were taken with self-timer on a tripod or balanced on top of a stack of books (for what it's worth, you can still shoot in manual while using self-timer! I do it all the time). I also recently upgraded my iPhone from 2014 for a new iPhone 7+, and the photo quality is AMAZING. In some situations, it's actually (dare I say) better than a DSLR because it's so quick to grab and take a photo, and you don't have to mess with the settings.

My goal is to capture meaningful moments and beautiful settings for Grace and me to look back on. Not to impress people or win any photography awards. We absolutely love to flip through the photobooks I've made from our travels, and I have a few stacks of printed photos lying around my house that guests always thumb through. That's the point. Not for Instagram or anything else online. Photos are heirlooms to me. I love thinking about looking back at my prints, photo books, and framed memories as I get old.

Just a few of my printed photos, photobooks, and journals from over the years.

I hope you enjoyed reading about my philosophy and process for amateur photography! I can't wait to take a billion photos in Canada and Alaska next month!

And of course, the best photo of all is always the one with those you love in it.

Some Thoughts on Fear & Paranoia After Losing a Pet Suddenly

When Casper died, we weren't ready. While we never could have been ready to lose him, the timing--4 days from the first sign of any illness--was really brutal. Then, in another unexpected turn of events, we adopted our new pup, Willie, pretty shortly after losing Casper. It's all been a lot, with highest highs and lowest lows. Today I want to share a little bit of what I've been feeling in the aftermath, in the hopes that others can relate or take comfort.

I have several blog posts that I've drafted or am planning to write, but I keep coming back to what's actually on the forefront of my mind: worrying, fear, and paranoia from watching Casper's life slip away so quickly right in front of me.

I am no mental health expert, nor have I done a lot of research on this. But, I got a few messages and comments after posting about Casper from people who had also lost pets recently, and my hope is that sharing my experience will help--both myself and anyone who might be reading.

In short, since Casper died and since getting Willie, I have been VERY paranoid about Willie's health. A few examples: Grace and I asked our vet if Willie could have bone cancer because he had a slight limp--like we were first time dog parents or something! I snapped at Grace after she played with Willie and he tripped and fell, irrationally, and felt badly afterward. Willie got fleas (gross. I know. It's common right after they come home from the shelter) and I acted like he had an incurable disease. Willie threw up some white foam after eating some dirt while we were out in the desert, which is a common stomach reaction, and I became convinced it was Bloat and he was about to die. And just generally, I worry. Willie isn't a puppy, and we don't know much about his history, but otherwise, there is NOTHING about him to rationally make me believe that he is ill or has any health issues whatsoever. But ever since losing Casper, I can't be rational. In fact, I ended up worrying myself sick, as I am currently writing this post stuck in bed with my bedside table covered in tissues, cold medicine, and fever reducers. And what was my first reaction to being so ill? Googling, "can dogs catch the flu from humans." It's a little wild how paranoid I can make myself. (For those wondering, I found a couple of websites claiming that dogs can catch the human flu in rare circumstances, but it seems like they pretty much can't).

It's funny, because up until the end, I thought Casper would live forever. I mean, not forever forever, but for many more years at least. He would have days where he was super lethargic, and he had a collection of moles and skin tags that seemed to multiply daily, but I just didn't think anything of it. Now, poring over photos of him, I see how incredibly white he had gone in his last months, especially compared with when we adopted him. In the top photo in this post (taken the day before he died), you can tell he was an old boy. But I saw him as my little baby who would always be there.

Now, Willie has the energy of a 2-year old (though we think he is older) and the elastic skin and shiny, healthy coat of a puppy. But I act like it's the opposite. Casper's eyes were covered in cataracts, and Willie's shine so clearly and brightly that I have had strangers comment on how crystal-clear his eyes are. And yet, I can't accept that he could just be a healthy dog that will be ours for years to come.

Here is another example of my level of worrying: the other day while I was out of the house and had left Willie at home, I randomly scrolled through my phone and saw an article someone posted about parents accidentally leaving their kids in the car, and the kids dying of heatstroke. I suddenly felt like my throat was closing up. Could I have accidentally left Willie in the car?!?!? 

What? No. That is a beyond ridiculous thought. But that's the level of paranoid I've been dealing with. Willie was safe and sound. But even now, as he sleeps at the foot of my bed, I catch myself watching his stomach, just to see if he's breathing.

Warning: this post doesn't really end with an epiphany of me "getting over" this feeling. I'm not sure that I ever will after going through the shock and horror of losing Casper. But I can trust. All of the things that I wrote about in my post about adopting Willie--the meant-to-be-signs, the coincidences, and the gut feeling that led to us adopting him about 30 minutes after first laying eyes on him--those have to mean something. Losing Casper showed me how fragile life can be, but it's also strong and resilient. I believe that's especially true with shelter pets. They get a new lease on life when they are adopted that I think really does extend their lives. I have no way of knowing how long Casper would have lived had he stayed in the shelter for another year, or stayed a stray, or stayed in an abusive home, but I think it would have been shorter. Same with Willie. He'd already lived in the shelter for a year, and I think the reason he feels like a puppy to us is because he, himself, feels like one! He gets to play in the waves and sleep on the people bed and meet new dog friends and eat yummy food. I have to believe that will prolong his life beyond what it would have been.

We don't get to keep our dogs forever. It's the natural course of things for us to outlive them. But natural as it might be, it doesn't make it any easier to accept. Just know that if you worry yourself sick over your dog's health, you're not losing your grip on reality. Maybe I'm just saying that to reassure myself that I'M not losing it, but so be it. If you've been feeling similarly to what I've described in this post, I offer solidarity :)

Wishing those of you reading with pets many, many more years of snuggles and happiness together.

Four Years in California

Four years ago today, on July 18, 2013, I moved to California, and in the time that's followed, I've become more "me" than I knew was possible. For me, California is a Promised Land, a place I loved visiting and dreamed of moving since a young age. I am so grateful to this state, and today I want to share some thoughts about what living here has meant to me and also what it's like to move far away from a place that I also love, my home state of North Carolina. Fair warning, this post gets super sappy AND deeply personal. But I think it's important to share what's on my heart.

My first home in California was in Berkeley, where I moved to attend law school. From the beginning, I planned to stay in the state after graduation, and I only looked for jobs in California during the summers of law school. I got a lot of questions from people back home of "so when are you moving back?", but I knew in my heart that I was meant to stay. Even though I was (barely) old enough to drink alcohol and be considered an "adult" when I moved to California, I just felt like this was the place for me--somewhere I could fit in, see myself starting a family, and go to the beach as much as I wanted. I didn't know it yet, but living here would grow and change me, quickly.

A whole lot has happened in the four years that I've lived in the state (three years in Berkeley and one so far in LA). At age 21, I had already fallen for Grace, but we had only hung out one-on-one once, and I had no plans to see her again. This state is where we actually got to know each other and became "us." I also got my law degree, took the bar exam, and became a lawyer since living here. It really does seem surreal that all of that could have already happened, because it feels like the blink of an eye.

It also feels surreal that in those four years, I adopted a dog who changed my life, held him as he passed away suddenly, and brought home a new pup, all with Grace by my side. If you'd told me in July 2013 (when I barely even knew Grace) that would all happen in the span of four years, I would have never believed you. I would have hysterically laughed, too, if you'd told me I'd start a blog about those experiences. No way.

There have been SO many good things in these four years. There have also been hard things. People (and pets) who have passed away or faded from Grace's and my lives for one reason or another, times of stress and uncertainty, and rocky changes that come with life transitions. But being able to weather them, and clinging to faith and the unwavering joy of knowing that we have been given so many good things to look forward to, is in part due to a dose of magic that I think comes from growing up and choosing your new home. For both Grace and me, that new home is very far from where we grew up. I still struggle with that.

But in an unexpected way, moving away from North Carolina helped me to crystallize the lessons I learned there. It also allowed me to accept my identity as a Southerner in a way that I never would have were I still living in NC. For me, being from the South means that I strongly value family, traditions, and hospitality. It taught me (and I'm still trying to learn) to always be gracious, polite, and consider others' feelings. It also instilled in me faith and gratitude from a young age. I am so lucky to have grown up there. And yet, it wasn't right for me to stay. I could write a book about the reasons why, but ultimately, I wasn't able to find peace in my heart back home. Another way of putting it is that I always felt "different" in a weird way in North Carolina, and in California, I have the chance to feel "different" in a good way.

All that said, I LOVE and am so proud of my home state. I love going back and visiting. If I'm lucky enough to have children and start a family one day, visiting North Carolina (and my parents' house in Virginia) with them would be hugely important to me. It will always be bittersweet that I live here, so far away from my family. I think I'm talking in circles now, but I hope I'm conveying a little bit of why and how I can be 100% sure that I'm meant to live in California and also long for my home state in many ways. I consider myself a Southerner and always will, but today, I'm counting my blessings that I've made my home in the golden state. I just can't wait to see what else it will bring me.

And these two loves are two of the best things to have happened to me in California :) Plus Willie!

My Favorite Place on Earth

I spent the past few days in my favorite place on earth: White Stone, Virginia, population 352 people, and the location of my family's cottage on the Chesapeake Bay.  This post might be a little off-topic for the theme of my blog, but I just couldn't resist sharing some photos and stories from my family vacation. Hope you enjoy!

My dad's birthday is July 3, and this year was his 60th. With the 4th of July being a national holiday, it worked out perfectly for me to fly to the East Coast for a few days. The 4th of July was always a big holiday for my family because my dad's birthday is so close to it, but we hadn't all been together for it since the summer after I graduated college! This time together was so sweet and long-overdue.

Our family dog, Huck

For those who aren't familiar, the Chesapeake Bay is the largest estuary in North America, and it is within the states of Maryland and Virginia. It kind of looks like a lake when you're right beside it, but it is actually a huge inlet that feeds out to the Atlantic Ocean if you go far enough. It has brackish water, which is a mix of fresh and salt water because it's where rivers from the land collect and run into the ocean. The section of the Chesapeake where my family has a house is called the Tidewater Virginia area.

This part of the world is so special to us because our connections to it run deep and wide (kind of like the Bay itself). My great-grandfather grew oysters in the Bay, which for a while (after his time) became so toxic because of the water pollution that you couldn't eat them. Now, the Bay is getting healthier, and you can eat the oysters again (lucky for us!). A lot of my childhood was spent on my grandmother's 25-acre farm on the shores of the Chesapeake. A little over 10 years ago, my parents decided to buy their own place just across the water from the farm, which is much smaller. Funny enough, my parents actually bought their house from some of our best family friends, who are my sister's godparents! They also had a Chesapeake house, which we had visited many times, but they decided to sell it to buy a place closer to their grandparents. My parents asked their realtor to take them around to different properties, and they were shocked when he drove them to their best friends' house! It turned out to be the perfect fit that our family friends were selling right when we were buying, and it has made our place all the more special. Before we even moved in, my siblings and I had memories of sleepovers and Easter Egg hunts there. A few years later, my grandmother sold her farm, so now our full-time Chesapeake house is my parents' cottage (affectionately called, "The Cottage"). 

The Cottage is over 100 years old, located so close to the water that we worry about global warming taking it, and the stairs in it lean slightly away from the water because of the wind blowing the house over all those years. It is a slice of heaven and beyond charming. My parents make lovingly deprecating comments about it because it has its quirks and it is OLD . . . but we love it more than anything. And, as a little sign in our kitchen says, "If you're lucky enough to have a house by the water, you're lucky enough."

Virginia grown!

My brother sneaking Huck a morsel

Just a few favorites from the week: singing along with my sister to the Dixie Chicks at the top of our lungs on the drive from the airport, sunny days with lots of boat rides, eating at all of our favorite Chesapeake places, and even better eating my mom's signature meal: tomato pie and crab cakes, celebrating my dad's 60th birthday all together and surprising him with a dinner party of our close friends and neighbors, drinking wine and talking into the night in the rocking chairs on our screened-in porch, watching a southern summer storm roll through, and catching lightning bugs in the dim early evening light. I've always thought that when you catch your first lightning bug of summer, you get to make a wish. I know I'm not supposed to say what I wish for, but I wished on a lightning bug that I get to bring Grace to the Chesapeake soon :) She's never been!

My dad water-skiing on his 60th birthday

I think the chances are slim that anyone reading this would be planning a trip to the Tidewater Virginia area, but just in case you are (or maybe to inspire others to go there!), here are a few recommendations:

Stay: The Tides Inn, Hope & Glory Inn

Eat: Merroir, the Carwash Cafe, KC's Crabs and Cues, Dixie Deli, or get ingredients to cook at home from the Old Farm Truck or the Dug In Farm Stand on Fleets Bay Road

Do: Wine tastings at the Dog & Oyster Vineyard, boating/kayaking, day trips to historic colonial towns like Urbana, blackberry picking (they grow wild on the side of the road everywhere here in summer), and buying local crafts and foods from the Irvington Farmer's Market

Shop: Farm, the Dandelion, Weekends, Kilmarnock Antique Gallery

What's your favorite part of the world?

July Goals + June Recap

Looking back at my June goals from the beginning of last month feels pretty strange. Whenever I write monthly goals, I have an awareness that the month might not turn out how I plan, but June 2017 really took me for a ride. I got a few of my goals done (like switching over my health insurance--super necessary and I feel very lucky to have been able to do that so seamlessly, especially these days), but honestly, most of my goals went out the window. I had planned to do a June goal recap and assess my progress, but in the spirit of giving myself grace and still feeling very tender about June and losing Casper, instead I'm going to list my "June Favorites" before moving on to my July 2017 goals.

June 2017 Favorites

• Celebrating West Hollywood Pride for the 4th year with Grace and our amazing friends
• Hosting my rainbow picnic
• Going to a conveyor belt sushi place for the first time (I have always wanted to try one, and I LOVED it)
• Bringing flowers in Casper's memory to the shelter where we adopted him and meeting a couple of volunteers who remembered him
• Meeting our dear friend Sam's new baby Sophie
• Getting my hair cut for the first time in the better part of a year (so ridiculous, I know)

July 2017 Goals

I have a feeling July is going to feel short but so sweet. Grace and I are each going out of town on different weekends, so we only have 2 and a half weekends in the month when we'll both be in town and together. I am going to try to make the most of them!

• Book accommodations for a friend's wedding we're going to be roadtripping to in the fall 
• Make an "essentials" plan and budget for Alaska (water, gasoline, non-perishables, Canadian car insurance, etc.)
• Enjoy a family vacation that I could NOT be more excited for in my favorite place on earth--my dad's 60th birthday and the Fourth of July are one day apart, so it worked out perfectly for us to all be together and celebrate
• Use early mornings as a time to exercise, and plan it in advance
• Plan a day trip somewhere we've never been for one of the weekends when we're both in town (one of my Summer 2017 goals)

If you set July goals, I'd love to hear about them! And happy Independence Day this weekend!

The Life of Casper

I've thought over and over about how to start writing this post, trying to come up with something succinct and eloquent to capture how I'm feeling and everything that's happened. I can't. What I can say is: our beloved Casper died this past Saturday, June 17, 2017. We miss him so much. We will always love him.

Grace and I are overwhelmed by the weight of our grief, but I also want to emphasize right away how much PEACE we have felt over the past few days. Peace when it doesn't make sense; inexplicable peace. And we are so, so grateful for the life of Casper and for each other.

Naturally, many people have wondered what happened. Friends in LA had seen him just a few days before he died, and they didn't notice anything wrong. Neither did we. Though the memories of his last days are still extremely confusing and painful for me, I want to share them here because I know that people are curious, which is understandable.

On Wednesday, three days before he died, we saw that there was blood in his urine. But otherwise, he had no symptoms. I noticed it first, while Grace was at work. I immediately called the vet, even before I told Grace. The vet said that it was troubling but not an emergency; we could come in the next day for an appointment. We did, on Thursday evening, and they said he looked otherwise healthy but they took some urine and blood samples to do some testing. Maybe he had a urinary tract infection or a kidney infection, the vet thought. We told them that we were supposed to go out of town the next day (with Casper), and we asked whether we still should. They said yes, absolutely. We should continue normal activities. I'm not including this detail because we blame our vet in any way. It just gives context for why we would go out of town when our dog was showing some signs of health issues.

So on Friday, June 16, we drove to Joshua Tree. We had rented a cabin down a dirt road to enjoy a quiet getaway for my birthday, which was the 17th. Casper snoozed in the back of Grace's car on the drive, and when we got there, he sniffed around curiously and enjoyed the large amount of land to roam off-leash. We noticed he was a little off; he was still peeing blood, and his back legs seemed weak. We also got a voicemail from the vet telling us that the test results had come back, and his kidney, liver, and proteins levels were a little high, but that they still couldn't tell what was wrong based on that. We tried to enjoy the desert and stay calm and love on our sweet pup.

In the evening, we decided to order some pizza from a place in Joshua Tree that we really like. As I mentioned, our rental house was down a dirt road, so we had to drive to go pick it up. Along the way, we took a wrong turn, and we ended up careening down what was essentially an ATV trail, terrified. The sun was setting and we had no cell service. Casper was in the back of the car, wondering what on earth his mamas were doing. We eventually made our way back to safer ground (at one point, I had to get out of the car and direct Grace as she backed out around some boulders . . . again, terrifying), and we decided to ditch the pizza idea. We just headed back to the house, shaky and exhausted. As we hopped out of the car, we saw the most gorgeous purple sky. I pulled out my camera and snapped some photos of Casper against the backdrop. We didn't know it, but that would be his last sunset, and those photos were some of the last we'd take of him. We will cherish them forever, and we are so thankful for the wild series of events that led us to that perfect moment with the sunset and Casper. We even played a little fetch. He was a bit lethargic, but he still enthusiastically tried to bite apart the stick we threw for him. We're so glad we got to do that one last time.

That night, we just hung out and rested with Casper. He was cold, and we wrapped him in a blanket. We couldn't really get him to eat, even when I cooked him an egg and put it in his food bowl. I actually don't remember that much of what I was thinking that night. We were worried about him, but we definitely hadn't given up hope. But I do remember lying down on the floor beside him and crying hot tears into his neck. He would always get nervous when we cried and try to comfort us and lick our tears away, so I held my breath, not wanting to upset him. 

The next morning (my birthday), I woke up around 5:45am to Grace opening the door of the cabin to let Casper out. A couple minutes later, she poked her head back in--"I need you. Casper can't walk." I tore out of bed and out the door. He was weak, his back legs falling out from under him. But we held him up, willed him to walk, and encouraged him. He eventually was able to go to the bathroom. Maybe his legs are just sleepy since it's early, I thought. We took him back inside and lifted him up and put him in the bed. He and Grace fell back asleep instantly, both of them breathing heavy and deep. I stayed up, said some prayers for Casper, and took some photos of that sweet last nap. Again, we didn't know for sure that any of these things were the "last." But as time went on, we kind of knew. By around 6:30 or 7am, I was pretty sure this was Casper's last day on this earth. But I clung to hope at the same time.

Baby boy resting with his mama in his final hours on earth

Around 8am, Grace and Casper woke back up. 8am was also the time that the vet in Joshua Tree opened, as well as our vet in West Hollywood. I called them both, seeing if there were appointments available, explaining how things had progressed, and asking what to do. During this time, a lot of confusion and panic set in for me, as I found that no vets--even the emergency ones--had any availability for hours, and we were hours from home. Shaky, I called vet after vet--Joshua Tree, Palm Springs, Yucca Valley, LA. I know now that we weren't meant to find a vet, that sweet Casper's last hours were never meant to be spent in a place where he'd be scared or uncomfortable. But I felt helpless. While I was on the phone, Casper started showing some telltale signs that the end might be near. Gasping, crying out, and not being able to control some bodily functions. Shaking and shuddering. It was so scary (and I'm crying again as I write this). But Grace and I looked at each other and we knew what to do. Today was going to be one of the worst days we had experienced, and we wanted to go home. We love Joshua Tree, but we didn't want to be out there far away from everyone we knew. Grace stayed by Casper's side while I packed up the cabin as fast as I could. I put on clothes, and then I went to Casper's side. Grace ran out to get the air conditioning going in the car so that Casper wouldn't have to sit in a hot car while it cooled down. Once we were packed up and the car was ready, we had to get him to it. I should mention that he was completely paralyzed at this point, other than breathing and blinking. He couldn't lift his head or neck or stand up. I scooped my arms under him and carried him to the car. I don't know where the strength came from, because I'd never carried him that far before and he was a very meaty boy. Much later, I would realize how many muscles I pulled and how sore I was from that journey with him, but I wouldn't change a thing.

In shock and filled with adrenaline, we set off toward LA. It's about a two and a half hour drive. We wanted to take him home, and we prayed out loud that he would make it back with us. I sat in the back of the car with Casper, cradling him, and Grace was in the front seat, driving with her left hand and reaching around with her right to hold his front paw. I stroked his face, telling him every minute how brave and strong he was and how much we loved him. Somehow, I didn't cry. I didn't want him to think we needed him to protect us. I wanted him to know we were okay and we would take care of him. We could tell he was in pain and his breathing was shallow. As the minutes passed, I told Grace I didn't think we were going to make it home with him, and we started telling him that he could go, and we would be okay, and he had been such a good dog. I could feel his little breaths on my arm until they stopped, and I told Grace, "he's gone."

Our angel.

Grace was amazing during this. She drove safely and steadily to get us home. After Casper passed, we still had about 2 hours left to LA. We just drove on, and I held him the whole time. We talked and said all that we were thankful for. We prayed for his life and his spirit. Even then, we felt peace washing over us, knowing that he was no longer in pain. While we were in the car we called our families and some of the people who knew him, breaking down each time, but knowing that this was only so hard because Casper is SO loved. Once we got back to LA, we drove straight to our vet, and they knew what to do and made it easy for us. Then we had to drive home without our dog and start mourning and celebrating his life.

The rest of that day was pretty surreal. I kept getting happy birthday texts from people who hadn't heard the news, which was so sweet but also so emotionally confusing. We had asked our families and a couple of friends to begin spreading the news, but we decided that we were going to share via social media to cut down on the lag time and hopefully avoid having to say the words out loud any more that day. We both used photos from the sunset pictures I had taken the night before, and we held hands and pressed send at the same time. A little while after that, the vet called us to talk about what might have been going on with Casper's health. Based on how everything happened, it's likely that he had some kind of cancer in his organs that caused something to rupture, like his spleen. The details aren't super important to us. While we're shocked that he's no longer with us, we know that grasping for answers about his death won't change anything. We are choosing to focus on his life.

The love we have felt from our families, friends, and even strangers in the days that followed is impossible to put into words. We've had friends show up unannounced on our doorstep for hugs, knowing we'd probably say no if they asked, but knowing we needed it. We have more food than we can eat. We are putting flowers in blender cups and cocktail shakers because we ran out of vases. We even had a friend offer us an already-paid-for vacation to Yosemite. We have been absolutely covered in love and support, and what means the most is that Casper generated that love. Seeing it in physical form has been so sweet. He multiplied the love in our lives exponentially, and we will be forever grateful. 

One thing that has been really helpful is hearing from people that have been through this type of loss before. Grace talked to her amazing grandparents, who have been married for 72 years (!!) and have had dogs for the vast majority of that time. We also got some great advice from Grace's cousin Mary, who went through a devastating loss of her dog of many years. She really emphasized that we should mourn him properly, and we have been focusing on doing just that.

On Sunday morning, our first morning waking up without him, we drove to our favorite beach in Malibu. Grace's dad (who is an Episcopal priest) wrote us a beautiful prayer for Casper that we read out loud on the beach, along with some readings he sent about loss and animals. We wrote Casper's name in the sand, with a backwards "E" because that's how Grace always wrote cards when she signed them from Casper to me.

We had a gathering of friends later that day, and we laid out photos of Casper, his favorite toys, a can of salmon and some string cheese (his favorite foods), his leash and collar, etc. We were surrounded by people all afternoon, and it really lifted our spirits. People told stories--some that I had never even heard--and brought their own photos, some that I'd never even seen. The fridge was overflowing with food that people brought us. I cried on a lot of people (literally) that day. It was such a true picture of community. Grace said a few words that I want to summarize here: because so many of our friends in LA have moved here from somewhere else, we're all each other's family out here. And Casper was the family dog. 

I took this screenshot from Grace's Instagram story, hence the writing on the photo. The portrait was my graduation present from Berkeley last year; Grace commissioned it and surprised me with it. We feel even luckier to have it now.

We are grateful for a lot of things, more than I can capture here. One of the biggest ones is that Casper was with us when he died. He didn't like going to the vet. He loved road trips. That he passed away while we were in the car, surrounded by mountains, not in traffic, is beautiful. He was surrounded by love until the very end. I can't even think about this happening on a weekday while we'd been at work and he was alone. What a beautiful gift. He left us in the car, but he will always be in the car with us. On every trip. On the road to Alaska. He will never miss a single one.

And while I think a lot of people see it as especially tragic that this happened on my birthday, I honestly don't think of it that way. June 17th tends to be beautiful, no matter where in the world I've spent it. I've always been blessed with a warm, late spring/early summer, blue-sky birthday. And I'm so glad Casper got to feel and see that on his last day on earth. I love Casper so much, and for my birthday this year, I got to see him and kiss his snout one last time. I'm thankful.

It's also not lost on us how lucky we are to have each other. I have never felt closer to Grace than in these past few days. I feel like we are two peas in the same pod of mourning, and our thoughts and words flow effortlessly between us almost telepathically. We will look at each other and just know what the other is thinking, finishing each other's sentences about memories of our sweet boy. We have been on the exact same page on every decision we've had to make and every step we've taken. We aren't taking any of that for granted.

Another thing we are so grateful for is that we still feel Casper with us all the time. We know he's resting easy and sleeping in SO late. We still feel his presence in big, powerful ways that are almost hard to believe. It gives us so much joy, confidence, and purpose to know that he's watching over us and right beside us.

I have a pretty unbelievable (but true) story to illustrate this. Starting on Saturday night, one of the few things that has brought us comfort is watching old episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race. Whether you're a fan of this particular show or not, I have a feeling that a lot of people can relate to the experience of re-watching "comfort food" TV when you're down. We used to always watch the show with Casper on the couch beside us, so it's special in that sense as well. It's such a positive, uplifting show, and we already knew the winners of each season, so it was really nice to watch something with no surprises and no sad moments. 

Well, on Sunday night, our first full day without Casper, we went out to run some errands, one of our first times leaving the house. As we drove back to Grace's, with the sun setting, we saw none other than RUPAUL CHARLES IN THE FLESH parked just up the street from Grace's house!!! He was sitting in his car, just looking serenely straight ahead like he was waiting for someone. He had tinted windows, but his driver's side window was rolled down, so we could see him clearly. We are huge fans and would have always been thrilled to catch a glimpse of him around the neighborhood (Grace and I both live in West Hollywood, so it's not the strangest place to see an LGBT icon). But for it to happen on our first full day without Casper, at a time when we're watching 10 episodes a day to comfort ourselves, was truly divine. We instantly knew that Casper had sent him to us; that Casper had seen how sad we were and knew how much it would cheer us up to see RuPaul. We drove by twice just to make sure it was really him, and it was. We could not believe it. We felt waves of peace crashing over us, knowing with so much certainty that Casper was in heaven, looking at us and smiling his little grin, feeling very pleased with himself for pulling off such a big surprise.

A question that naturally comes up is: what will become of "Have Dog, Will Drive"? I started this blog just weeks ago with the intention of sharing my travels with Grace and Casper. But just because his earthly presence has left us doesn't mean that he won't be with us on our road trips and adventures. I promise not to turn this into a blog of ghost dog sightings. But I will keep writing. And I want to still share what we learned about having a dog like Casper in the hopes that it can help someone else adopt a pet like him. 

Finally, a HUGE thank you to all of the people who have supported us near and far. We will still be leaning on you going forward, and we can't thank you enough. We love you, and Casper loved you. He loved unconditionally and indiscriminately. Elderly people and babies, friends and strangers, people we met who were living on the street or in abandoned buildings, neighbors whose names we never knew but who knew Casper's name and would call to him from across the street with a huge smile on their face. We are going to try our best to love like he did going forward. He makes us so proud, even still.